A Lean Cuisine Review: Chicken Tuscan

I realized that I was down to only a few Lean Cuisines today -- couple of those delicious panininininis, and the dinner I had been avoiding all week. Chicken Tuscan. I purchased it with the express intention of never actually eating it...it was sorta' like "that nice bottle of scotch you keep unopened in your bar"...or maybe "Kelly Ripa."

But I was really down to it today, so I thought, "Meh, why not." Now, the first thing I think of when hear the word "Tuscan" is this little guy:


(Erika, I'll explain this to you later)

But, sadly, I was not attacked by Sand People when I took the box out of our freezer. Instead, to my great dismay, the cooking instructions flickered across the back: "Peel film cover back from vegetable portion of tray. Add 1 tablespoon of water to vegetables; re-cover." Those included my two least favorite instrucions of all time: "Add" and "Re-cover." I don't mind making slits, even removing covers...but "re-covering?" Unbelievable. Unacceptable! Nooooo!!!

But I did it, as you can see here.



I was not happy about it, and you can be sure that I punched several of our cabinets in rage when I learned about it. Also, did you notice the little drawing of broccoli in the upper-left corner of the box? I think it's giving me the finger? But I digress.

I had another nice little surprise. One of our cats (the stupid one) had decided to set up shop in front of our microwave.



I removed the little freak, and cooked my Chicken Tuscan for an unacceptably long seven-and-a-half minutes. Damn, I was already getting angry, and I hadn't even seen the finished product.

But, seven-and-a-damn-half minutes later here she is...in all of her Tuscan glory:



But I gotta' tell you, it smells pretty good. Not "Chicken with Almonds" good...but good none-the-less. Here's my plate-by-plate comparison:



It was only at this point that I noticed something -- someone had accidentally dropped a fungus onto my food. Something that is spawned in poo has managed to crawl its way onto my plate. This will not stand. So, as tradition holds, I now remove all the parts of the meal that do not agree with me. In this case, I must be rid of this vile fungus, as well as my old nemesis, broccoli.



I tried to save as many carrots as I could...because it's not the carrot's fault that they got lumped together with the insidious broccoli. I think I did a decent job. This nasty (but neccesary) task accomplished, I gather all that is needed to eat this faire (a spoon, a Sprite, some hunger), and dig in.



And here's what I end up with (as you can see, some "devil poop mold" has evaded all of my efforts to track it down):



Well, I'll tell you what, friends...not bad. Not bad at all. The sauce had a little bit of a something-or-other in it that made it a bit tangy (not Orange Peel Chicken tangy...but a more acceptable level that teased the buds without trying to burn them).

The chicken (and there seemed to be an surprisingly high amount of it) had a little bit of something green on it. I'm going to call it "pesto" because it was colored green, and I don't know any other herb names. Anyhow, it was a good choice, because the chicken actually managed to come out of the microwave pretty tender...add that with the spices, and I think the chicken might have been able to stand on its own here.

And they didn't try anything fancy with the noodles -- they weren't all colored weird, or mixed with vegetables or anything. Nope, this was just a nice, linguine-thickness noodle that wasn't so long it couldn't be spooned up.

So, what I when eating this was: I mixed the "vegetables" (carrots, after I'd had my way) with the main dish, and sorta' grabbed spoonfulls of each item. When I managed to get chicken, noodles, and carrots all in one mouthful, it was a very pleasing experience. All the ingredients working in symphony to create an arrangement rivaling the majesty of the "Chicken Yodel." Now, on to the final scoring:

Prep: This is about as bad as it gets -- I'm making a frozen dinner, not a real dinner. Wise up, Mr. Cuisine. 3

Appearance: Not too bad...I mean, the box didn't look all that great to begin with...so the cooked meal gave you just about what you were expecting. 7

Taste: Very nice. Tangy enough that I'm still feeling it a bit 5 minutes later. Hell, I'm seriously considering sopping some of that sauce up with a piece of bread. But I won't...becuase that borders on "sad." 9

Filling: Also feeling quite filled up. This is what a dinner-plate should feel like when she's done. 8

Cool Factor: Well, the whole Tusken Raider connection automatically makes this dish pretty cool...too bad they screwed up their possible great scores with including the two worst foods ever invented: broccoli and mushrooms. 7

Final Score: 6.8