Basically, I'm terrible at dreams. All told, I can remember exactly 4 dreams that I've ever had...and all but one was based on a movies or TV show I'd just watched. Everything else just sucks...there's never any discernable story...visceral image...memorable feeling. It's all just weird, random, non-sequential horse crap.
Now, I've been told that you're never supposed to re-tell a dream to someone...unless they were involved in the dream in some way...or it was relevant to the topic at hand. These four dreams were none of the above. And I'm going to re-tell them to you now -- only to prove the point that I suck when I fall asleep. I would have made a terrible Freddy Krueger victim.
DREAM #1: Happened when I was about 10, at my friend Eric's house. I was throwing He-Man toys into a swimming pool, then fishing them out. However, Eric (for whatever reason) decided to throw one of the figures into the deep end. I was crushed -- I certainly couldn't get back Man-E-Faces from the bottom of the 12' end of the pool.
Luckily, there was a yellow snorkel lying nearby that had two holes cut in the top...sorta' like eyes. It occured to me that I should use that snorkel to swim to the bottom of the pool...and wouldn't you know it? I could breathe underwater! Amazing. Imagine, someone who is only dreaming that he's underwater is able to breathe?!?! It was remarkable. Anyhow, I rescued the bygone Man-E-Faces, and the dream was over.
DREAM #2: I was about 6 years old when I had this gem. I was running around a corner...somewhere (must have been in a galaxy quite some distance away) and I saw Princess Leia. Standing in an empty room. I saw her, then ran back around the corner (for some reason). When I returned, she'd changed into that crazy lead singer creature from Jabba's palace...with the big snout (apparently named Sy Snootles). I was, understandably, devastated. Now, I'm devastated and how ordinary and lame this dream truly was
to 
DREAM #3: I must have been about 9 when I had this dream. Basically, it was just a re-telling of the movie The Monster Squad (which, according to Korby, has just been released on DVD). Now, in the movie, each of the kids sorta' "takes out" a movie monster; Dracula, Wolfman, A Mummy, etc., by "legendary" means...i.e. silver bullets, stakes, fire. The only real variation on the movie is that my dream took place at my elementary school. Which monster was I skillfull enough to take out? The Gill Creature (based, apparently, on the Creature from the Black Lagoon)...the one that gets killed by the incredibly imaginative "shotgun" in the movie. My variation? I kill him with a katana. Creative, yes...I know.
DREAM #4: This one was my favorite. I must have been about 12 when I got this nighttime miracle. Anyhow, I was sweet on a girl all through elementary school...and in my dream we were playing softball with some fellow classmates. Now, for some reason I realized I was dreaming mid-way through the game, and I was excited about that, because I figured I could control my own destiny, and wrap my subconscious around my prepubescent finger.
And then I get my chance. The girl that I'm sweet on, Erin (not her real name. Okay...actually, it is her real name) comes up to bat. Since I'm controlling my dream I decide to have her hit a home run.
The pitcher underhands the ball.
Erin winds up.
And swings.
Crack.
The ball sails over the second baseman's head, and bloops into right field for a base hit.
The crowd goes wild.
Then I wake up.
Yes, you heard me correctly, in the dream that I was supposedly controlling, the best I could get the imaginary Erin to do was dink a single over the infielder's head. Because...once again...I really suck at dreaming.
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