Two Sides of a Double-Headed Coin

I appreciate honesty. I do. I think it's become one of my most favorite things. I read something interesting a couple of months ago, that (for some reason) stuck with me.

I decided that I wanted to learn a little bit about the Persian Empire (specifically the Achaemenid Empire). This was mostly because the movie 300 made Persians look totally retarded, and I hate it when civilizations get pissed on for the sake of "story" (sorry Braveheart & The Patriot's England). This is partly because...lost in our weirdo Western way of thinking, this gigantic, dynastic empire with millions of citizens, and a crap-load of scientific advancements, military conquests, and cultural richness has been reduced to a cliche of the "invading alien race" for the Greeks to fight off.

So, to set the record straight, I decided to learn about them the best way I know how -- I looked them up on Wikipedia. Remember when people used to have to "read books" to learn stuff? Aw...poor fools... Anyway, what I took away from my comprehensive, 10 minute spin through almost 2000 years of ancient Persian history is that they frigging loved the honesty. Herodotus, the guy who invented the sandwich, wrote that Persian youths, from their fifth year to their twentieth year, were instructed in three things - to ride a horse, to draw a bow, and to speak the Truth. Lying was a cardinal sin, punishable by death in some cases. Pretty neat...because, I don't know about all y'all, but I hate lies, and people who put on airs.

What does that mean? To "put on airs?" Oh. I see. "Airs" is another word for "assumed manner, affected appearance." Boy, is clicking on links in MySpace annoying, or what?

But, like I was saying, I don't like braggarts and liars. And my chosen profession is chock full of them kinds of people. But, part of me understands it. I can see how it happens. In my adorably hypocritical way, I've realized that there are two versions of "my career." And I will lay them out to you now:

Yeah, things are actually going pretty well for me right now. I'm doing two shows at the Will Geer Theatre (it's an Equity house); Cymbeline and The Cherry Orchard. We've been getting really great press, including rave reviews from the Los Angeles Times, and the LA Weekly. Once I'm done here, I'll finally got enough points to join Actors Equity, and will be doing that before the end of the year. Aside from acting, I've finished the first draft of a great screenplay, and I'm planning on shopping it around town -- see if I can get any bites. I've got several film projects coming up in the next couple of months that I'm pretty stoked about, and I've had a ton of auditions for little films and commercials all over Hollywood. I'm really getting into the "short" format, which is going to be pretty huge for online distribution. In fact, this short film that I wrote is most likely going to be showing in a local film festival in the near future. All told, I've been working solidly for a year and a half as an actor, and only as an actor. In that time, I've managed to book a couple of commercials, and some short films; I even had lines on a cable TV show. I've got an agent who's sent me out for a couple of national commercials this year, I've got good headshot, and I'm making tons of connections. It feels like I'm finally making some serious headway down here.

Well, things have been better, to tell you the truth. I'm doing two plays in Topanga right now, but they're both small parts, and I'm basically working for free for the whole summer -- odds are I'll wind up losing money in the long run due to gasoline and other expenses. Don't get me wrong, it's an amazing opportunity. I'm incredibly grateful to be working there...and I'm accruing enough points to join Equity...but it's been hard to make ends meet during the rehearsal process. I've finished a screenplay, but I'm the only one who's actually seen the entire thing...and I'm deathly afraid that it's probably mediocre...at best. Hopefully I'll be acting in a couple of little "short films" for friends that will get posted to YouTube at some point, but there are no definite filming dates, and these things tend to get delayed...indefinitely. I hope not...but, it's out of my hands. I've shot two commercials -- one that was shown in Ireland, and a local spot that hasn't aired yet. I haven't even managed to get myself cast in a student film (in spite of about a dozen auditions), much less a tiny independent film with an actual casting director, and much much less a paying role with a network or movie studio. I did appear on a deep cable show, but that was really just non-union background work -- they gave me a line to say during the taping, but it's not like it was a real role, from an audition. It was just something tossed off to an extra, who just happened to be in the vicinity. Now, I do have an agent, and I'm very fond of my agent, but his office has managed to send me out on a grand total of 2 auditions in the last 6 months. It's not his fault, of course, because I'm not in SAG, and I haven't been doing nearly enough casting workshops to get my name around town...but it's still discouraging. My acting mostly consists of background work, but I've been having a hard time even finding work in that field...and when I do, it's barely enough to pay bills, much less meet any other "actor" expenses. To be totally honest, I haven't done anything really noteworthy up to this point, and I'm no closer to getting cast on a real movie or television show than I was when I first moved down here. I'll be 30 years old in a month, and kids 5 years younger than me are booking pilots, national commercials, guest star roles...all that. And here I am, struggling to be a "Non-Descript Street Background" on the TV Show "24." A lot of the time, I don't really feel like an actor, and I think...good Lord...maybe I'm just not as good as I think I am...?

Sorry, I got carried away with that "bad Tyler" paragraph a little bit, I think. Too long, Rhoades. But the thing is, really, both of those paragraphs are what I consider to be "honest" (what would Xerxes do...?). Sometimes I feel like #1, sometimes I feel like #2. Heck...I wish I were the kind of person who lived in paragraph #1 all the time...but I'm not. I'm far too critical of any success I may achieve to be able to revel in it for too long without feeling like an egotist. But I try. I try to stay positive. I want to believe that good things will come for me, that I'm destined for acting greatness. But...man...it's tough to keep those rose-colored glasses so rosy sometimes...especially in lean times like this. But, like I say, I'll try, dammit. I'll try...