For Your Health (Part 9)

I've decided to write another entry to this compelling, interesting, and totally-worth-reading series that will no doubt become a viral sensation, viewed by hundreds of millions of people worldwide. 

Why? Because today, I experienced another "episode."

I'd been feeling shitty all morning...just achy, and "not quite right." I couldn't get comfortable. I couldn't really focus, and I was very conscious of my "breathing," which is always a bad sign.

All of a sudden (all of the sudden?) my body went numb. I experienced shortness of breath. My hands went "clammy," and I stood up from my chair, fully ready to face my imminent demise like a man. A man standing up in a cubicle.

As I stood up, I grabbed my bottle of Xanax and popped two pills (I'm only supposed to take one at a time, so please don't tell my doctor I took two -- he'd be SOOO PISSED). Then I went for a short walk around the building to calm my nerves.

I was still feeling crappy, but not "scary-gonna'-die-soon" crappy. I got back into the office, feeling a bit unsettled...maybe on the cusp of a relapse, but not quite going all the way there.

I thought lying down might help, but I haven't found any good "layin' spots" in this office building yet, and I can't go to my car to lay down (because it's a scooter, not a car).

After about 10 minutes of examining my options, everything chilled out. My heart stopped racing, my brain settled down, and a nice calm washed over my body.

This reaction pretty much confirms what I'd figured / hoped all along -- this shit is all in my head. I'm an anxious mess, for some reason...and all I needed was a little pharmacology to get me back on track.

Of course, I'm still exhausting every medical option -- I'm seeing a lovely Ear/Nose/Throat doctor at the moment, who is helping me address my "slowly fading voice," but when he examined me he did not see any nodules on my vocal cords (after gagging me with a goddamn mirror a couple of times), which is good. In my mind, nodules mean cancer...and if he didn't see 'em, they must not be there.

I'm also getting my wisdom teeth pulled in two weeks...so maybe that will help sort out whatever residual shittiness that's causing my head space.

Basically, I'm encouraged by all of this doctor-ing. I'm no longer convinced that I'm in the throes of some early stage cancer, or that I've been struck by some rare and fatal malady. Turn out I'm just an anxious guy with some teeth issues and weak vocal cords who probably just needs to start working out more, and eating better.

I can live with that.

I'm 'Bout to get all Political 'n' Sheeeit

So, Barack Obama came out in support of same-sex marriage...and I'm conflicted.

Before you freak out, it's not in the way you think. I'm a huge supporter of Barack Obama, and I'm an equally huge supporter of same-sex marriage rights. I have many dear friends who happen to be homosexuals, and the fact that they are denied the rights that are routinely taken for granted by heterosexual people is something I consider just fucking appalling.

Which brings me back to President Obama. Why am I not overjoyed that he finally spoke about his support for same-sex marriage?

Well, for one thing, he "unequivocally" supported same-sex marriage way back in 1996 (that's 16 years ago, a time when I was still embarrassingly uncomfortable around homosexuals...because I was a stupid 16 year old). I've always considered him to be a supporter of gay rights, even when he didn't just come right out and say so.

Also, in my mind, he didn't "say so" because it has not been politically expedient to say such things aloud. So he just skirted the issue, and became a "civil union states right" kind of dude. It was unfortunate.

I'm not upset with him for masking his true beliefs for the sake of political expediency (I'm not crazy about it, but I still really love the guy). What I'm upset about is the fact that something being so fucking "common sense" as supporting same-sex marriage has been viewed as a political liability for the last 16 years.

I mean...I don't get it. I really don't. I don't understand the idea that there is some untouchable "sanctity of marriage." I don't understand what harm could come from allowing same-sex marriage. 

How could same-sex marriage, in any conceivable way, be viewed as a threat to family, heterosexual marriage, morality, or a person's right to worship whatever the hell god they want to (so long as it doesn't harm anyone else)?

Marriage is not sacred. It's one of the least sacred things in the world, and it's never been truly sacred. Throughout most of human history, marriage has been viewed as more of a "financial transaction" than the modern view of marriage meaning "love and companionship." It's been a male-dominated preceding for thousands of years, and monogamy is a relatively new phenomenon.

If marriage is so sacred, why is divorce legal? Why is adultery legal? People talk about the definition of marriage clearly defined in the Bible (between a man and a woman, 1 Corinthians 7:2-3)...but they forget about some other parts that discuss marriage. Like the law where, if a man rapes a woman, he must pay the woman's father and marry the victim (Deuteronomy 22:28-29).

That's traditional marriage, in a literal, biblical sense. It was a financial transaction. A raped woman was damaged goods, so that's why the rapist had to marry her. Sorry, rapist...but them's the rub. Sorry rape-ee, but it's better than never getting married, right?

Of course, society has evolved past that way of thinking (for the most part). Forcing a rapist to marry his victim is ridiculous, just like how the concept of owning slaves (Leviticus 25:44-46) is ridiculous, and the idea that you must cut off a woman's hand if she stops a fight between her husband and another man by squeezing the other man's testicles (Deuteronomy 25:11-12) is ridiculous.

There are many "sacred" laws in the Bible that are, frankly, ridiculous. For those that are curious, check out The Year of Living Biblically: One Man's Humble Quest to Follow the Bible as Literally as Possible to see just how many Biblical laws are routinely ignored. You can borrow my copy, if you want it. It's a very fair-minded examination of the Bible that shows people tend to quote very selectively (as I have, admittedly, just done like crazy in this blog entry).

Sorry, I'm getting distracted. I realize most of my Christian friends and family are not hard-line "Bible Literalists," so me quoting these verses is entirely beside the point for the vast majority of the good, happy, fun-loving, open-minded Christians folk out there. I apologize for those cheap shots I was taking. Yay God!

But at the same time, know that I will not accept someone opposing gay marriage simply because "it's in the Bible," or that it "goes against the Christian faith and morality." Unless you're avoiding shellfish or clothes made from two different fabrics, you cannot make that claim without sounding hypocritical.

Because you know who hated hypocrites? Some dude named Jesus (Matthew 7:1-5).

Enough of that. No more religion talk. Where was I?

 

Obama. Okay. So, the point is, I'm glad he's finally come out and expressed the sentiments most people knew he held all along. I'm not doing backflips or anything, but it's a step in the right direction. It was a brave thing to do, but the fact that supporting same-sex marriage qualifies as "bravery" is just fucking ridiculous to me..

The Fool on the Scooter

This is a true story.

I'm riding home from work on my Piaggio scooter. About a half-mile from my house the traffic stops at a red light. Because it's legal in California, I ride up the center line, between traffic.

As I was riding past the lead cars, I was hit with a blast of "marijuana odor" from the vehicle to my right -- a newish pickup truck.

Now, when I lane-split, I typically pull up ahead of the lead vehicles, just to let them know, "Hey, there's motorcycle here now."

As I slowed to a stop the guy in the marijuana truck started inching forward.

Shit.

Because, when someone sees me and starts inching forward, either they want to race me off of the line or they want to mess with me. Or both. It sucks. I just want to get home, but some people need to be the "fastest and the baddest" on the road...and my mere presence challenges their perceived road dominance.

I hate these people. They are dangerous and stupid, and Los Angeles seems to be full of them.

Anyhow, marijuana-pickup-truck-dude-guy pulls forward and yells out his window at me:

"What are you doing, fool?"

He really punches the word "fool," for full dramatic effect.

I glance over and see a stubble-faced redheaded shithead in his late 40s. Of course, I'd love to explain the legality of what I'm doing, as well as the concept that being "stopped at a red light" is generally considered pretty safe...but stupid angry people have a hard time being reasonable; Especially when they're behind the wheel of a car. So I ignore him, and stare straight ahead.

The light turns green. As he goes tearing off, he delivers his parting shot: 

"Good way to die!"

He then proceeds to speed away, cut in front of me, make an illegal left-hand turn, run a stop sign, and pull into a dive bar parking lot.

Seriously. That's what he did. I'm not exaggerating.

Now, I'll go months without any problems like this. Typically, Los Angeles drivers know the law, and many will even pull over to the side to make way for motorcycles that are lane-splitting (I do this all the time if I catch a motorcycle in my rear-view mirror), and when they do, I always give them a thank-you wave. I've never been in a seriously dangerous situation, and "people being shitheads" is usually as bad as it gets.

All the same, though...it sucks when it happens. Makes me so irritated, generally, that I get home and go, "Goddammit...I'm going to sit down a write a blog about this."


Meta.