Coming to Los Angeles Part 2: Preparing to Prepare

Didn't scare you off, did I? Good. I didn't think I would. That's what I like about you -- your determination. Your drive. Hell, you've got spunk, kid...and I think you're really going to make it.

Because I hear you. You've made up your mind. You're going to roll the dice. Awesome. Follow your dreams. Carpe your diem. You won't know if you don't try. Fortune favors the brave. Veni vidi vici. Git 'er done. Only you can prevent forest fires. FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOM!!!!!!!!

So get your ass over here. How? It's easy. Start heading west. When you hit an ocean, turn left and follow the coast. Before you know it, BOOM! You're in Los Angeles (note -- Hawaii and southern Florida...I'm sorry, it's impossible to get to California from your state. Sorry!).

But before you take that drastic step, let's talk about what you need to do before you leave. Because, believe it or not, some things are much cheaper and easier where you live than they are in Los Angeles, and I really want you to get your crap together before you move.

The first and most important thing you'll probably need is money. Unless you want to start working as soon as you arrive in Los Angeles (and where's the fun in that?), you'll probably want a nice little chunk of "starter cash."

How much? Well, let's break it down.

The first, and biggest chunk of your budget will probably go to rent. Now, I think the best thing to do is move down in a group, for a two reasons.

1) It's cheaper.
B) You've got a built-in support group.

My wife and I moved down with another couple, found a lovely little apartment in Silver Lake, and spent about $600 per month in rent. That was with 4 people, living in a nice two-bedroom apartment (with one bathroom). Another friend of mine found an apartment in a not-as-nice-but-still-fairly-good neighborhood in Glendale with a single roommate, and he spent about $800 a month. Another couple friend of ours found a one bedroom apartment in a not-very-good neighborhood in southern Glendale, and paid about $600 a month in rent.

So, depending on the amenities you need (laundry room, swimming pool, kitchen, refrigerator, running water), plan on spending anywhere from $500 up to $1000 per person for your basic Los Angeles "I'm-an-actor-so-I-live-in-squalor" apartment. You'll also need to plunk down money for a security deposit -- the standard rate is somewhere between one month's rent, up to double that. It's even more if you want to bring your puppy or kitty along for the ride (which I highly recommend -- you'll need all the support you can get).

For utilities, tack on anywhere from $100 to $300 (depending on whether you want internet, TV, land line, etc), $125 for gas (you'll be driving a lot), $300 for food, $20 for website subscriptions (we'll go over those later), and any other silly expenses you brought with you from home (credit cards, auto insurance, cell phones). After all is said and done, plan on spending anywhere from $1,000 to $3,000 per month to live in Los Angeles...again, all depending on how cheap you want to do it.

Not to mention you'll probably need new head shots (those black and white ones that your roommate took last year will not cut it...I don't care how talented he/she is, or how much positive feedback you got. You're going to need new ones), some acting classes, some irritating "enrollment fees" (I'll go over all of those later), and other unexpected expenses (I guarantee your car will break down in the first couple of months -- it's inevitable).

Now, ideally, you'd want to "not have a job" for at least the first six months after you finish your move. We'll go over why I recommend that later, but let's just say, to be safe, you save up about $10,000 to $20,000 for your move down, to comfortably weather the six month "adjustment period."

What that? You don't have that much money? Then you suck. Seriously, you suck. You'll never make it in this town. Might as well not even move if you don't have that much money laying around. Acting is only for the insanely wealthy, and if you're not insanely wealthy, you will fail. I promise.

Kidding. There are other, relatively easy ways of making a little bit of money that don't involve a full-time job (catering, background work, prostitution) that can supplement that initial investment without seriously cramping your availability for actual legitimate acting stuff...so not to fear. If you want to seriously rough it, you can probably make your move work for about $2,000 or so, but I wouldn't go much lower than that because you'd be making it very hard on yourself (hee hee). Los Angeles has enough lovely homeless folks roaming about the freeway off-ramps...we don't need any more.

But enough talk about money. We didn't become actors "for the money," did we? This is about ART dammit! Craft! Passion! We want to move people, make them weep, change the world through our elaborate game of "professional make-believe." Tell us what else we need to prepare!

Couple of things. First, if you can, try to get your SAG Eligibility (that stands for "Screen Actor's Guild", and it's an actor's union...in case you didn't know). Don't know what SAG Eligibility is? Don't worry...we can take care of that when you move down. But whatever you do:

DO NOT JOIN SAG

Did I get your attention? Did you see the big pretty red letter? No? Then I'll reiterate: do not join SAG. I'll explain why later, but basically, you'll be massively hampering your ability to get gigs when you move here, and since you're inexperienced, you're unlikely to book the sweet "union" jobs anyway. By all means, become "Eligible" to join SAG, but do not pay that $2,000+ enrollment until you absolutely have to.

Another thing to do before you leave is: learn how to act. I know, seems like a no-brainer...but it's honestly not as important as people might think, which is why I moved it down the list. Personally, I spent my whole first year in Los Angeles trying to get my head around the concept of "not acting." This was after having spent the previous 2 years as an honest-to-God professional stage actor in Seattle.

"Pish," you say. "Acting is acting is acting." Good. I said the same thing. But do me a favor. Take a single "reaction" that you gave on stage (the bigger the house, the better)...maybe something you did that got a laugh every night...or moved audience members to tears. Now, take that same reaction and film it -- you don't even have to do it in a super close-up. Just a normal, medium shot. Then watch it back. You see? You didn't do it, did you? Well...you've been warned.

If any of your "acting reactions" are the least bit presentational, they will look incredibly forced on camera, and you'll be exposed as the novice you are. If you "project" with your voice, you'll blow out the audio and it'll sound terrible. Anything you do that would get a laugh from someone 50 feet away will look horribly fake when put on film.

But that's not to say "You're fine. You don't need to know how to act. Just wing it." Because you really ought to know something about acting before you go. If you can, find a local, reputable acting school and take a few classes (but be fully prepared to dismiss a good portion of the instruction you receive, since not all acting teachers are actually good at their job).

As for what classes to take...if you know the difference between Stanislavski and Strasburg, then I'd recommend taking some specialized "film acting" classes. If you don't know the difference between Meisner and Method Acting, then you should take some regular old "acting classes."

Of course, you don't have to go crazy -- like I say, learning to act is not totally essential before you go, because there are lots of classes here, and some of the classes in your home town might be terrible, as well as a waste of time and money. But it helps to have an understanding of the basics so you're not totally clueless when you get here.

I mean, you wouldn't be the first person to watch someone on TV and think "Eh, that's not so hard. I could do that." There 7 billion people on earth who think the same thing; and they're not wrong. Thinking "I could do that" is not a revelation, so please don't ever say it. "Doing that" is not the hard part; "booking that" is the hard part. Anyone could deliver a single line in a movie convincingly, given enough coaching and takes, but very few people could go out and actually book that bastard based on their acting merits alone.

But I don't want to go into that too much now -- I'll cover "what classes to take" and "what to do when you book something" later on. You can worry about that when you get here.

Other preparations? I don't know...you'll probably want a car (public transportation is doable, but it's still really crappy compared to every other big city in the US). Think about where you want to live (that'll be the subject of my next blog), and who you want to live with.

And finally, just think about it. You sure you want to do this? I mean, you're probably not going to be successful, and even if you are, it'll probably take years of you earning no money, and just sitting on your ass waiting for the phone to ring (and it won't).

So, I'll ask again, are absolutely you're sure you want to do this?

Yes?

Okay. Good. You passed the test. I said it before, and I meant it; I like you, kid. You've definitely got "it." Now, get down here, and parlay that "it" into massive fame and fortune, you lucky little bastard. Damn straight -- this is you, buddy:

Coming to Los Angeles Part 1: Managing Expectations

So, you've decided to move to Los Angeles to pursue your movie career, eh? Sweet! I'm proud of you. You've officially become a cliché. Might as well get used to it now.

Not that there's anything wrong with that. Hell, I did the same damn thing in 2008, knowing full well that I was following in the hallowed footsteps of previous millions of deluded souls. "But I'm going to be different," I thought...which is the same thing that every actor thought when they moved.

Am I different? Well, I'm certainly older now, definitely much wiser, and while I'm not a household name, I think I've done fairly well for myself. I'm proud of my accomplishments. Could I have accomplished more? Sure. Did I miss opportunities? Oh hell yes. Tons. Did I play far too many video games when I should have been writing scripts or practicing my craft? Absolutely. But everyone makes mistakes. Everyone procrastinates. Everyone wastes time. It's inevitable. You will too...I promise...and if you let it get you down, it'll break you.

The important thing to remember is that the odds are against you. I know you've heard that before, and you'll hear that many more times from many different people...but it's a very important lesson. In all likelihood, you're not going to achieve the success you dream about, and think you deserve. You're not. Quiet that "BUT I'M DIFFERENT" voice for a second and just let that sink it. It's very unlikely. Not only will you not be cast in movies and TV shows, you won't even be able to audition for them. In fact, you won't even be able to see the agents who could possibly send you to those auditions. You'll be shut out, with no one to help you in a cold, uncaring world. It's unfair, and if you don't like it, you really out to look into another line of work.

In fact, your quest to even get into a big theatrical casting director's office (one that casts prime time TV shows or big budget movies) could easily take years. That's "years" with an "s." Not weeks. Not months. Years. Multiple years. It took me a year and a half. Some of my friends are still trying.

Don't believe me? Look at the IMDb profile of your favorite celebrity. Who is it? Brad Pitt? He moved to Los Angeles in 1986. He worked odd jobs, had a few "background" gigs in 1987, had a short recurring role on Dallas in 1988, got a few more TV roles in 1989 & 1990, then in 1991 he did Thelma & Louise. And the rest is history. What does it mean? It took Brad Pitt, one of the most famous actors in Hollywood, five years to get his first substantial role. Five. And he's Brad Pitt. You? You're not Brad Pitt. You might think you are, but you're not...I promise. It's going to be a thankless, tedious, trying journey...no matter what your background is.

So that's the reality. Of course, things were different in the 1990s. Everyone was coked up, a studio actually greenlit the hit movie "Stop or my Mom will Shoot", and if you were persistent enough, you were rewarded with at least some kind of look from some studio executive who wanted to discover the "next Brad Pitt."

Now, things are different. Everyone thinks that if they're tenacious, hardworking, and super-duper talented, they can get their foot in the door. But you can't any more. The myth of the "actor discovered at a grocery store" is just that. A myth. Utter fabrication, and Hollywood Legend. Even the supremely untalented (but gorgeous) stars that started very young, like Denise Richards (graduated from a Los Angeles high school in 1989, did Starship Troopers in 1997) or Paul Walker (graduated from a Los Angeles high school in 1991, did Fast and the Furious in 2001) worked at their careers for almost a decade before their "big break."

So if you think you'll be starring in a sitcom, or a big-budget movie within a year of moving to Los Angeles...I hate to break it to you, but you're wrong. You'd have better luck just investing that money you'd be wasting during the move in lottery tickets, then producing your own TV show with the earnings. I mean, sure, there are examples of overnight success...but usually it's an illusion (overnight success actually takes years of thankless work), or it's incredibly short-lived (this is where most child actors reside, unfortunately). But in both cases, it no doubt involves a tremendous amount of hard work (or dumb luck) on the part of the actor.

I personally witnessed two stories of actors who had immediate success when they moved down to Los Angeles, followed by a whole lot of frustration. One is a friend my wife and I met at a casting director workshop named Joane. When she moved here, within two months she'd booked a costar role (industry term for "small television role with limited screen time") on the show Criminal Minds. Two years later? Criminal Minds is still her one only legitimate credit.

Another one is from a friend-of-a-friend named Nastassja. She moved to Los Angeles, and my friend asked me to send an e-mail with advice. Later, our friend informed us, "Looks like she didn't need your advice after all; she booked a TV show." Come to find out that, lo and behold, she'd booked a costar role on Criminal Minds within weeks of arriving (TIP: familiarize yourself with the casting associate of Criminal Minds -- his name is Scott David, and if he's ever teaching a casting workshop near you, you would be well-advised to take it...because he will call you in to audition if he likes you, regardless of whether you have an agent and/or any credits...which makes him very rare). However, a year-and-a-half later, Criminal Minds is still Nastassja's only legitimate TV or film credit.

Whereas my wife Erika, God bless her, worked her tail off for two years...taking casting workshops, getting headshots, sending out mailings, interning, doing theater, doing everything in her power to get into the room. And she did, eventually. She had several auditions for several different shows, but did not book them. Finally, two years after she arrived in Los Angeles, she booked a costar on The Mentalist, for a casting director she'd seen a year prior to that audition.

Every actor has a different path to success. You might get lucky like Joane and Nastassja...or you might finally break through after years of toil like Erika. Or you might not get any auditions at all, years after you arrived in LA. Everyone's different, and you can't expect any kind of success. Hope for it, want it, prepare for it, work for it...but don't expect it.

Now I hope you don't think I'm just being bitter. "Mehrgh, I didn't have success, so you won't either! BEHHHHH!!!" I'm not. I promise. I'm quite happy with the level of success I've achieved. Would I like to achieve more success? Of course. But I'm being realistic, which can easily be mistaken for "pessimistic." There are a whole lot of people who think they can achieve their dreams and goals solely through stubbornness and sheer force of will. There's a whole industry of self-help books that tell you this, over and over and over and over. Don't get me wrong -- all of those things are very helpful, but they will not be enough for you to make it in Los Angeles...because there are literally a million actors who feel the same way, read the same books, and are actually more stubborn than you are. And you'll find out that only a tiny fraction of them actually achieve all of their lofty goals. A tiny, tiny, tiny fraction.

I don't say this to discourage you. Trust me, I'm your biggest fan (because you're reading the words I've written). I just want to honestly prepare you for just a small piece of the professional disappointment, heartache, and frustration that will surely greet you when you land in Los Angeles. You will experience it too. Everyone experiences it, from the hugest failure, to the most surprising success story. And whatever your expectations are, lower them. Even if you think they're very modest, lower them. Sure, go ahead and set lofty goals for yourself; that's fine. But don't expect to meet any of them soon.

But don't take my word for it. Let the Piano Man limit your expectations in his own magically musical way:

You got your passion you got your pride
But don't you know that only fools are satisfied?
Dream on but don't imagine they'll all come true
When will you realize
Vienna waits for you