For Your Health! (part 2)

So...I got nothing.

Scratch that. I do have a new "primary care provider."

But as far a "knowledge of the stupid thing that's making you fear that you're dying," I got nothing.

I saw the cardiologist on Friday, as planned. I filled out all the damn paperwork and waited for a long time (I didn't get into the office until forty-five minutes after my appointment).

Reminded me of this:



Anyhow, eventually I was called into a room, my blood pressure was taken, and my EK was G'd. Once again (unfortunately?), I passed both with flying colors.

After another 10 minute wait, the Doc arrived. He was a young-ish (for a doctor), and I noticed that we were wearing the same style of shoes.


These.

Maybe it was casual Friday? I don't know. Didn't really bother me...I just thought it was notable.

And he asked me the very general, "So, what's going on with you?"

I gave him a brief history of my symptoms (first attack on an airplane, several more since then, went to the emergency room, constant chest pain and tightness). He asked if I had a family history (I do), and if I was a smoker (I'm not). Then we started talking about Henry, and what I do for a living.

This whole thing took about 5 minutes, after which he stood up and said, "Okay, Tyler, come with me."

I thought, okay...cool. More test. Let's smoke this sucker out.

But, no. He sat me in front of a receptionist, and had her schedule me for a test next week, and a follow-up in two weeks. He shook my hand, made some kind of lame joke about being a Somali Pirate (I'd mentioned that I work in anti-piracy enforcement...harr harr...), and sped away from me.

So lamely, I filled out the sheets, collected my things, and went on my way...totally undiagnosed, and fairly certain that I was going to keel over before I could make it to my test next week.

Walking back to my car, I wondered if there were things that I could have told him that would have made him take me more seriously. Like, how I almost passed out when I was going for a jog? Or how my chest hurt constantly? Or how I had attacks even when I was at rest? Or how I was having trouble sleeping? Maybe he could have given me advice (lay off the caffeine, and slow down on the exercise) or something...but I got nothing. Nothing but a promise of "further testing."

This bugged me all the way home. Do I just need to start lying to these guys to get them to take me seriously? Why are they so stingy with the medical tests? Don't you want to rule things out first?

I mean, I'm new to all of this stuff. I only had a handful of physical exams after I graduated from college, and I've never had anything approaching "serious symptoms" of a disease before. I've never really had to deal with health insurance or hospital bureaucracy...so I don't know if I'm doing it right or not.

All I want is for someone to tell me either:

A) You're healthy, don't worry about these symptoms you've been experiencing, because they'll go away.

B) You've got something wrong with you -- here's what we can do to fix it.

So I decided to get a new doctor. Actually, I'd decided that a long time ago, but I only put in the request after the New Year. My old doctor seemed to cater mostly to geriatric patients. His support staff was irritating, and while his bedside manner was fine...it seemed to me that any time I came in with a concern, he seemed unfazed because of my "youth."

Don't know how the new guy is (I'm seeing him for the first time on Wednesday), but it will be interesting to get a second opinion on things. Part of the conditions of the switch are that, any and all "referrals" made from my old Primary Care Provider are "Null and void."

Which means no more "Dr. Sketchers." Even if that means I'll have to wait even longer for tests and test results...I'm totally fine with that too.

So I'll keep you all posted. Lots of stuff happening...but no real news, as of yet.

For Your Health! (part 1)

Some good advice:



So I'll give some background on my health, an issue that is ongoing. This will either serve as a cool "cautionary tale," an entertaining anecdote about me overreacting to a health scare. Either way, I think it'll be good reading.

Here's the scoop: I've not been feeling well for a while now...dating back to, probably, somewhere in early 2011. There was nothing specific about my ill health -- it felt like a string of colds, punctuated with bouts of "a bad cold." It felt like I was always "kind of sick" in one way or the other, for several months.

I did regular check-ups with my doctor (well...one regular check-up sometime in 2011) as well as several "Hey-is-this-normal-to-be-feeling-like-this" visits. Every time I got a clean bill of health, the worst critique being "you ought to lose a little weight."

And honestly, the constant sickness has never been really debilitating. More like a persistent, irritating cold that came and went. I honestly don't know whether or not this has contributed in any way to my current condition, or if it's just a coincidence. I just thought I should put that out there, just in case.

But I'm relatively young, and relatively active. I don't have any unhealthy habits, and my family has a pretty good history of longevity. Even if I was concerned (as my multiple unscheduled visits to my doctor will attest), I never thought it was anything serious.

Until things got serious.

When I was flying back to Los Angeles after visiting Seattle for Christmas, something happened. Something really shitty.

It's hard to explain, but I felt an odd sensation in my chest (kind of a gripping, or a bump, or thump, or something) followed by a very rapid heart beat, an inability to catch my breath, and a sense that I was probably going to die. Soon.

I took some deep breaths, tried to get comfortable, and kept telling myself, "Calm the fuck down." I wondered what a plane did if a passenger went into cardiac arrest on a flight.

Eventually, my heart stopped racing, and the pain went away. Not entirely, of course, but close enough.

I didn't quite know what to think of that...but it was in the back of my mind. I assumed that I just freaked out, and something to do with the altitude screwed with my biology.

When I was home alone in Los Angeles (my wife was in Idaho with her family) it happened again.

"Shit," I thought. "I'm going to die alone. Fuck."

Eventually, that second spell went away too...but I decided that I needed to get it looked at. So I threw on a jacket and went to the emergency room.

"Chest pain" and "shortness of breath" are a pretty quick ticket inside the ER, and I was promptly processed, tested, x-rayed, and shown to my room.

After a while, I started to feel better...which made me feel a little stupid. The staff was very nice, but the doctor came in and assured me that everything came back clean. In the end, he hinted that I might want to consider seeing a psychologist, and told me to follow up with my doctor within two days.

I looked up "Panic Attacks" when I got home, read the symptoms, and just started laughing. It was describing my "spell" exactly.

"Whew," I probably didn't say.

So I did a bunch of research on panic attacks. It's not a life-threatening condition, but it does require treatment. I figured I'd just go ahead and take care of it after the New Year.

And the New Year came and went without a relapse. I didn't have any more episodes, and I figured that it must have been an overreaction.

A couple of days after we returned from our New Years trip in Idaho, I got another one. This one woke me up.

"Fuck," I probably said. "I can't be panicked when I sleep. Why did this happened?"

So I Googled it. Yep. No problem. Panic attacks "can occur at any time, even during sleep."

Once again, I was placated. I slept again, Googled more ways to fight my panic attacks, and put "doctor's appointment" on my to-do list.

I had one or two more attacks. They were irritating, but I was able to function fine. I convinced myself that I just needed to "zen" my way through an attack.

Last weekend, my wife and I were given a rare "Child-free Weekend Day," and we used the time to go out to breakfast and take a walk.

I felt shitty the whole time...not because of the exquisite company, but because something was just not right inside of me. I couldn't put my finger on it...but stuff just felt off, and there was this vague, continuous, dull pressure (and sometime pain) in the center of my chest that would just not go away, and I couldn't get comfortable.

I let it go, and resolved to see my doctor first thing on Monday. Things seemed to be ramping up, and it stopped fitting the profile of "panic attacks" in my head.

Ironically, this dawning realization made me panic a little bit.

Last Sunday (the 22nd) I started my annual training for the Glendale Downtown Dash. Since tearing my calf muscle back in November, I'd been horribly inactive. The thought of training and running was daunting...but I thought it'd be a good way to start to try to eventually sort of possibly maybe somehow get back into shape.

My run started off pretty good. I was pushing our jogging stroller, and Henry seemed to be enjoying himself (I was worried that he'd find running as boring as I do).

About seven minutes into this, it happened again...oh boy did it happen.

Wham!

My heart fell like a stone (or cinched up like a trash bag, or seized like an FBI), and my body went numb. I tried to breathe, but I could only pant. I looked behind me -- there was another running group back there, and I was hoping that one of them knew CPR in case my little ticker stopped ticking.

My heart started racing...which I suppose is better than "stopping" altogether. I started walking slowly...taking deep breaths, and trying to not pass out. Eventually, my heart returned to its normal pace, but that pain in my chest lingered.

I got back to car and called my doctor's office, and spoke to the "on-call" physician. I explained my symptoms, and he assured me that it probably wasn't my heart, because I was too young, or something. I asked him if I should go to the emergency room, and he said I probably didn't need to.

I tried to "sell" my symptoms to him, even fibbing at times to make them appear worse...but he did not seem concerned. My confidence in his ability to diagnose the issue was pretty low.

I thanked him and hung up the phone.

I was wrecked with dread for the entire rest of the day, and on through the evening. I tried to savor every moment with my wife, child, and friends...just in case that moment happened to be my last.

Needless to say, I did not sleep well.

The chest pain was still there on Monday morning. It was more dull and abstract, but it was there none-the-less.

I got an early appointment with my doctor. I described my symptoms, and he assured me that I'm outside of the "heart attack" range ("I've never seen a 32 year old have a heart attack," is my paraphrase of his reassurance).

However, he said it did sound a lot like an arrhythmia. This is a broad diagnosis that ranges from "relatively minor and treatable," to "dangerous and deadly," though my doctor seemed to think it was "atrial" than "ventricular" (atrial is generally preferable...from what I've read).

Personally, I'm rooting for paroxysmal supraventricular tachycardia, because it's got a cool-sounding name, a handy acronym (PSVT), I can control it myself using a cool thing called the Valsalva Maneuver, it's treatable, and it's "generally not life threatening." But I'm also okay with "There's nothing wrong with you at all LOL!"

My doctor told me that I'd have a referral to a cardiologist in the mail "ASAP."

Ah...the glories of the HMO.

Today I finally got my referral, and have an appointment for tomorrow at 9. I hope I do well.

Of course, this could either be the conclusion, or just the beginning (hence, the open-ended "part 1" in the title). Arrhythmia could be the disease, or just a symptom. I could have a little flutter that can be controlled, or I could require a heart transplant (which means I'm in the right place -- our local hospital, Cedars-Sinai, is ranked first nationally).

Either way, there are lots of treatments available, and since heart disease is so bad (it's the leading cause of death in the US) there has been a crap-load of research, and many new innovative treatments.

Which is my way of saying, I'm in good hands...and I even have insurance this time! If this had happened three years ago, I would have been screwed. FIGURATIVELY! (I'm trying to start using that in the way that people misuse "literally"...as you can see, it's not going well so far).

I'll keep you posted. I know that I've obsessed with death a bit in this space...so I'll try my damnedest to keep things positive. But you know me. I write what I'm feeling...and if I receive shitty news, you can expect things to get very uncomfortable in this blog space. Sorry, but that's how it goes.

So enjoy! And thanks for reading!

(part 2 here)

My Response to Common Piracy...aw, fuck it

I give up.

I feel like I'm pretty much alone in my point of view...and so many smart folks that I respect tremendously disagree with me. It's at that point when I start saying, "Jesus Christ! No one understands this but me!!!"

Of course, when I find myself saying that I immediately start thinking, "Wait...am I the one who's wrong about this?"

It's like that old poker saying: "If you can't spot the sucker...you are the sucker."
Being wrong happens...and it's usually pretty embarrassing when it does, but this is a forum I use primarily to broadcast embarrassing things about myself (see this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, and this). I mean, I enjoy it when I'm wrong (or proved wrong), and I typically read views I disagree with before I try to digest any consenting viewpoints just to see if I am wrong about something.

I'm wrong a lot. It's rare that I broadcast my wrong-headed views (or the eventual realization that they are wrong), but when it happens, I'm fine with it.

So, am I wrong about SOPA?

I don't know. It's possible. I can't say "Yes" definitively, but I've certainly modified my stance since I first read the thing a couple of months ago. I stand by my support in general, even if the strength of that support has weakened considerably.
I came into this discussion with a lot of knowledge about online piracy -- knowledge that only a handful of people possess (I'm not bragging, it's just that this is a small community comprising the pirates, and the anti-pirates).

So I read SOPA, and it looked fine to me. Pretty good, actually. It was that magic bill that could actually address some of the piracy frustrations I've been faced with at my job, and it looked very good for my employer. It was vague at points, sure, but not more so than any other regulatory bill or law (I mean it's not a technical manual, it's legislation -- there has to be room for interpretation).

Then I started reading what people were saying about it. The law was pretty much universally reviled. It seemed to me that people immediately went looking for "abuse potential," instead of considering the "practical application" (seems everyone assumes that any law passed will be immediately abused to its fullest extent...a view I consider to be quite cynical, and I do not share).
Basically, I thought that people were just getting riled up over nothing. The fear came from a lack of knowledge about online piracy. So I attempted to educate...sharing my unique perspective as "actor," "producer," and "anti-piracy enforcement professional."

I started to notice that powerful tech companies were driving the paranoia. I found myself on the opposite side of my favorite companies (Google, Wikipedia, and Amazon have long been favorites of mine). I found myself defending some asshole Texas Republican, and disagreeing with friends and colleagues that I respect tremendously.

"Fuck," I thought. "Am I missing something?"

I examined the claims of the anti-SOPA crowd:

• SOPA overreaches.
• No due process.
• Piracy is largely the entertainment industry's fault because they failed to innovate (I hate this one -- it's blaming the victim and shitting all over an industry whose product is easier to copy and distribute than any other intellectual property out there).
• SOPA could close down many legitimate websites.
• SOPA is unconstitutional.
• The entertainment industry is making record profits, so obviously they're not being affected by piracy.
• Piracy numbers are debunked, and over-inflated.
• SOPA is censorship.
• Movie stars make too much money anyway.
• The entertainment industry doesn't want to innovate, since there's more money in the status quo.
• SOPA wouldn't fix piracy anyway, since people could just enter the IP address of the infringing site.
• Tech companies would be forced to police their users, placing a unfair financial burden on them.
• Innovation depends on the open flow of information, and SOPA would destroy that open internet, thereby destroying innovation.
• Congress is out of touch, and wrote an out of touch potentially devestating bill.
• Input from the tech industry was ignored.
• Et cetera.

I'm sure I missed some...but those are the points I recall off the top of my head.

None of them swayed me...and I have an answer for each charge...but I'm frankly tired of defending it at this point.

Like I say, I give up.

I'm not looking for support or sympathy or anything, I don't need encouragement or whatever...I'm just telling you where my head's at.

So where does this put us, now that SOPA is fucked?

A compromise bill could pass, but if it doesn't contain many of the provisions outlined in SOPA, it'll be toothless.
It's also possible that no compromise bill passes...but the populace becomes much less tolerant of piracy than it has been up to this point...and (consequently) more tolerant of piracy enforcement efforts (putting the ugly RIAA lawsuits behind us). However, after the shit went down with Megaupload today, and the response from Anonymous, I think it's unlikely.
On the other hand, the issue could be totally forgotten next week, the news cycle will turn its turny-turn, and piracy will continue as before. If this happens, either the entertainment industry comes up with the magical "innovation that pleases everyone" that can never exist (and has already been attempted by Hulu, iTunes, Netflix), or the industry starts to feel the full impact of piracy and people (like myself) start to lose jobs.

That would suck, but what can you do, right? There's no competing with internet vigilantism, and I can't convince people on my own...I'm just not eloquent enough.

Plus...fuck it. I could be just be wrong about the whole thing. There's no point in fighting any more.

Explaining Piracy

So, okay...I think we can all agree that SOPA is DOA. The bill is poison, and any elected official who is caught supporting it would no doubt fall prey to the internet vigilantism that wrecked the thing in the first place.

The SOPA backers are now discovering, do not mess with the internet.

Where does that leave us? Well, obviously, I think everyone has now seen that a handful of tech companies can whip their members into a frenzy. If these supposedly neutral corporations decide to weigh in on political matters, they can have a tremendous influence.

Sour grapes? Not really...at least, I hope not. Like I said before, if SOPA were to pass, I would probably eventually find myself out of a job. I'm honestly agnostic on the bill. I thought it was a good idea, and I was annoyed by the misinformation and hysterics...but as for actually passing the damn thing...it would probably complicate my life more than it would help it.

But, lost in this whole thing is the piracy issue. Maybe not lost, necessarily, since people are now talking about piracy and hopefully a compromise bill can be passed in the near future. However, anything that does not include the provisions outlined in SOPA will be toothless, and nothing will change.

Consequently, I feel the need to explain how piracy works, because no one really seems to know. I'll also explain why anti-piracy efforts have been largely ineffective up to this point (I can't go into a lot of detail...but hopefully I can give you all the gist).

Online piracy is a moneymaking endeavor for everyone involved; that is why people do it. I can't tell you how, because this could be construed as a "how to make money off of piracy" article...but you'll just have to trust me. From the lowliest uploader to the multi-million dollar rogue hosting companies, everyone is making money off of piracy...and none of it is going back to the content creators. Not a damn cent. That's the shittiest thing about piracy.

But here's the main problem with enforcement: internet piracy is global. "U.S. exports of film and entertainment media often attain shares in international markets in excess of 90 percent due to high global interest in U.S. filmed entertainment" (source). This means that the vast majority of entertainment content consumed worldwide is produced in the United States. So, foreign websites can distribute illegal content free to US consumers with impunity. Anyone can see how that's a problem.

So how do we stop it? We use the DMCA. Seems fair, right? I mean, not very much has changed since the law was passed in 1998...especially not on the internet. 56k modems!? Lightning fast!!!



Yeah, there are many problems with the DMCA...which is not a terrible law; it's just out of date. Here's three biggies:

1) Jurisdiction. The DMCA only applies to websites hosted in the United States. Very few pirate websites are hosted in the United States, which pretty much breaks this law from the get-go.

2) ID Requirements. A lawful take-down notice must include "identification of the copyrighted work claimed to have been infringed." This means that copyright holders must personally verify each link they are examining. That's fine with the little 1998 internet, spearheaded by those tech giants AOL and Prodigy...but the 2012 internet scoffs at your feeble attempts to quantify its vastness. There is just too much out there now, and we poor enforcement folk are getting buried.

3) Safe Harbor. It's a great idea in theory...but in practice it just ends up making enforcement impossible. Here's how it works -- one "linking" site allows anonymous users to posts links (their defense: "we don't host any content, so we're not breaking laws"), a second, "hosting" site allows anonymous users to post videos (their defense: "safe harbor; we remove content only if we receive an official letter from the copyright owner"). One site points to the other site, and everyone makes money. If a video is removed, it can be immediately uploaded again with no repercussions (some sites even offer multiple URLs for a single video -- if one URL is removed, you don't even need to re-upload). Unless this safe harbor loophole is closed, piracy will continue ad infinitum. Simply put, websites must be held accountable for their content, whether it's user-generated or not.

So there it is. Any new anti-piracy law must close those loopholes. SOPA would have done that, but everyone freaked out and now SOPA is going away. The OPEN Act is limp-wristed and impotent, and will make enforcement even more of a bastard than it already is (Really? The tiny, underfunded International Trade Commission? Really?).

The truth, as I've said before, is that the anti-SOPA hysteria is being fed by major corporations. This is not some kind of "grass roots movement." Both industries stand to take a financial pounding; entertainment via piracy, and internet via loss of piracy (which accounts for 1/4 of all web traffic -- source). In this propaganda war, the massive billion-dollar entertainment corporations lost to the massive billion-dollar internet corporations.