My god...a six-part series about my health problems? How fucking boring am I?
Ugh.
Anyway, I just wanted to share this...which is a round-up of my "symptoms." I have an appointment with my new cardiologist on Wednesday, and hopefully I'll start getting some goddamn answers.
So, as promised, here's the list of symptoms:
Occasional (once every few days) episodes of chest pain, numbness, racing heartbeat, disorientation, and a feeling of dread (brought on by caffeine, alcohol, exercise, stress, awkward physical positions, dehydration, lack of food)
Occasional headache, disorientation, and feeling of detachment
Constant feeling of chest pressure
Occasional chest pain
Constant feeling of neck pressure / discomfort
Occasional loss of appetite
Frequent feeling of "shortness of breath", especially during an attack
Occasional dry mouth
General feeling of fatigue
Occasional numbness in extremities
Now, those are some pretty awesome symptoms, if I do say so myself. Fairly comprehensive list.
Just so you know, I threw that whole thing into the WebMD symptom checker, and it spit out this list of 20 possibilities:
Coronary artery disease (I've been told I'm too young for this)
Heart rhythm disorder (my personal choice)
Generalized anxiety disorder (this would be my preferred disease, since it's easier to treat than the actual heart-related diseases)
Atrial fibrillation (just like #2, except more specific)
Panic attack (like #3, except more specific)
Heat exhaustion (in March? Nope. Next)
Supraventricular tachycardia (another heart rhythm disorder...this one is the specific one I singled out a month ago as the most likely, in my inexpert opinion)
Migraine Headache (unlikely...but my mom had them...but they don't explain the main issue regarding the chest)
Asthma (again, unlikely)
Allergic reaction (possible...but unlikely)
Aortic regurgitation (I would have picked this one, but I've had five different doctors give my heart a good stethescoping, and they heard nothing irregular -- plus, the echocardiogram that I had would have seen anything like this...but other than that, it looked like a pretty good fit)
Anemia; chronic (possible...but doesn't fit with all of the most apparent symptoms)
Acute stress reaction (like #3 and #5...it'd be nice if this was it)
Anemia; iron deficiency (I get far too much iron...so it's unlikely)
Excessive caffeine use (I've cut down to 10 oz. of coffee a day, so this is unlikely)
Muscle strain (possible, in addition to the other symptoms...but doesn't explain the heart stuff)
Pulmonary embolism (I liked this one for a while, but I don't have a cough, so it's unlikely)
Anemia (here's the generalized version of #12 and #14...but it's unlikely, since my blood work did not show anything anemic)
Tension headache (nope)
Acute sinusitis (again, nope)
So there we have it. Nothing terribly scary on the list (I consider "cancer" to be the only really scary thing), but nothing super definitive.
Well, hopefully I'll be able to get some stinking answers on Wednesday, and I won't have to waste all this time recklessly speculating.
I finally got a chance to speak with my doctor to go over the lab results from my physical. Other than a general "you ought to exercise more," I passed the screening with flying colors.
Good news, right?
At any other time in my life, I'd have been thrilled. I'ma live forever, damn you. My blood is pure. My urine is fantastically clean. My heart, lungs, thyroid, liver, kidneys, and pancreas are squeezing out fluids and enzymes at the appropriate levels.
However, I still don't feel good...which makes the "healthy" results more frustrating than freeing.
My chest doesn't feel good. Admittedly, it's better than it's been in a few weeks. My paroxysmal arrhytmetic tachycardial events (I just made that phrase up) have been few and far between. I get occasional headaches, and moments of disorientation...but I don't know if those are unrelated.
It's gotten to the point that, any time I see a random "rare" disease mentioned in the news, I look it up to see if it fits the symptoms I have. Probably not a healthy exercise.
Anyhow, I related my chest-pain concerns to the doctor, and he finally gave me a referral to a cardiologist. Now...if this frigging cardiologist can't find anything, then the total number of doctors that have had a peek under my hood and have found nothing wrong would stand at 5. That's almost a century-worth of experience and education. At that point, I think it'd be time to give one of them "headshrinkers" a call...because, frankly, if I am actually healthy, I'm sure as hell tired of feeling "not healthy."
This is not the end, of course. The doctor did a full physical (including blood work and pee-in-a-cup work), and we'll be discussing the results together in two weeks or so.
In the meantime...my symptoms have been waning ever since my last "episode." I'm still vaguely aware of something "not quite right" in my chest, but the pain and discomfort is mostly gone at this point.
Mostly.
Because it's not all the way gone. About 2 hours ago, I had that old familiar chest discomfort again (tightening, numbness, and a racing heartbeat). It only lasted for a little bit, and it was very minor...but it was definitely there.
Now, if both my ECG and EKG checked out fine, obviously I don't think I'm in any mortal danger. I am (and have been) in a very low-risk pool for heart disease, and these symptoms do not match up with anything that could be considered dangerous.
But still...
I wish I could get some kind of confirmation. If it's true that I'm totally healthy, then why do I feel like this?
More and more I'm starting to lean toward the idea that these are panic attacks...which is good. I can deal with a sickness of the mind (especially one so commonplace) and I can seek treatment without having to worry that I'm "missing something" (because as I understand it, diagnosis of panic attacks is more deductive than inductive).
So that's where I'm at. I will update if things worsen. I probably won't update if things get better (because...that's boring). And I will definitely update after meeting with my doctor to discuss the laboratory results.
Guess it's good news/bad news. The good news is my heart appears healthy. The bad news is that I still don't feel healthy.
This is a defense I see a lot, actually (along with the "we wouldn't have paid for it anyway" defense). When I call piracy "theft" (as I have), in the eyes of many, I am using unnecessarily inflammatory language.
Which I might be. The problem is, when people hear "copyright infringement" or "an instance where a person exercises one of the exclusive rights of the copyright holder without authorization," it sounds like there is no real victim (and even if there is a victim, it's a massive, wealthy corporation, so who gives a shit?).
Obviously, the car analogy is bad...bad for people making the analogy, and bad for people attacking it.The analogy completely misses the point. Intellectual property is still property, just not in a physical sense. So when you steal intellectual property, you're still stealing (hence, "theft"). But don't take it from me. Take it from this fucking Motivational Poster that I just made (because folks just fucking love those silly, ironic motivational posters): (click on me if you want to read me -- my font is too small!)
Does that clear things up? The problem with audio-visual intellectual property is that it's so easy to copy and distribute, and (generally) after you watch a film (or TV episode) you don't watch it repeatedly (unlike music, which gets played repeatedly the more you like a song).
But if we must use the car analogy, let's use it correctly:
Imagine you downloaded an exact copy of a Maserati for free, from some website (http://www.freemaserationline.net). Imagine if you lived next to someone who paid full price for an identical (legit) Maserati. Don't you think that person would be a little pissed off? Don't you think that person would regret paying full price for something he could have had for free? Don't you think Maserati would be a little pissed off that the thing they spent millions of dollars creating was just re-appropriated by someone else? Isn't the phrase "re-appropriated by someone else" another way of saying "stolen"? Isn't "stealing" another word for "theft?"
Does that clear things up? Am I missing something? The problem with intellectual property theft is this idea that there is no victim ("Imagine your car gets stolen, but it's still there in the morning.") There is a victim -- the person (or persons) who created the thing. By copying their creation without consent, you're "depriving the creator of potential income." Depriving someone of something that is legally theirs is the dictionary definition of theft.
Hey gang. Well, good news and bad news. The good news is, the new doctor seems much more competent than the old guy. Good listener, patient, and he seems to be interested in putting me through a battery of tests (which is all I ever wanted).
The bad news is that this won't happen until Monday...which gives me another weekend of undiagnosed anxiety.
Which is okay, really. I haven't had an "episode" since last Wednesday, and I feel better than I have in quite some time. Still not great, unfortunately -- I've had some trouble sleeping, and I think I've convinced myself that if I sleep on my side my symptoms worsen (this is very likely psychosomatic).
But I feel like my health is in much better hands now. I'll keep you all posted.
I'm not actually a monkey. Okay, I lied I am a monkey. No, just kidding. I'm not a monkey. Monkeys don't have the mental capacity to write a blog. Or do they...?
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