For Your Health (Part 9)

I've decided to write another entry to this compelling, interesting, and totally-worth-reading series that will no doubt become a viral sensation, viewed by hundreds of millions of people worldwide. 

Why? Because today, I experienced another "episode."

I'd been feeling shitty all morning...just achy, and "not quite right." I couldn't get comfortable. I couldn't really focus, and I was very conscious of my "breathing," which is always a bad sign.

All of a sudden (all of the sudden?) my body went numb. I experienced shortness of breath. My hands went "clammy," and I stood up from my chair, fully ready to face my imminent demise like a man. A man standing up in a cubicle.

As I stood up, I grabbed my bottle of Xanax and popped two pills (I'm only supposed to take one at a time, so please don't tell my doctor I took two -- he'd be SOOO PISSED). Then I went for a short walk around the building to calm my nerves.

I was still feeling crappy, but not "scary-gonna'-die-soon" crappy. I got back into the office, feeling a bit unsettled...maybe on the cusp of a relapse, but not quite going all the way there.

I thought lying down might help, but I haven't found any good "layin' spots" in this office building yet, and I can't go to my car to lay down (because it's a scooter, not a car).

After about 10 minutes of examining my options, everything chilled out. My heart stopped racing, my brain settled down, and a nice calm washed over my body.

This reaction pretty much confirms what I'd figured / hoped all along -- this shit is all in my head. I'm an anxious mess, for some reason...and all I needed was a little pharmacology to get me back on track.

Of course, I'm still exhausting every medical option -- I'm seeing a lovely Ear/Nose/Throat doctor at the moment, who is helping me address my "slowly fading voice," but when he examined me he did not see any nodules on my vocal cords (after gagging me with a goddamn mirror a couple of times), which is good. In my mind, nodules mean cancer...and if he didn't see 'em, they must not be there.

I'm also getting my wisdom teeth pulled in two weeks...so maybe that will help sort out whatever residual shittiness that's causing my head space.

Basically, I'm encouraged by all of this doctor-ing. I'm no longer convinced that I'm in the throes of some early stage cancer, or that I've been struck by some rare and fatal malady. Turn out I'm just an anxious guy with some teeth issues and weak vocal cords who probably just needs to start working out more, and eating better.

I can live with that.

For Your Health! (part 8)

So.

The nuclear stress test came back clean.

Aside from one ER doctor's dubious interpretation of an EKG (which was summarily ignored by my "team" of cardiologists), my heart has passed every single test it was given.

This leads me to the inexorable conclusion: there is nothing wrong with my heart.

So.

What now?

Well, now I'm pretty sure I have some kind of panic disorder.

"But Tyler! You've never been an anxious person! In fact, you're the most laid-back, chill, easy-going, sexy person I've ever known!"

Yes, that's true. But, from what I've read, that don't mean shit. Panic attacks don't happen because a person is nervous, or because "sumthin' bad happend." To quote this document I'm reading in another window, "Researchers are not sure what causes panic attacks."

"So, that's great! Sounds like you need a vacation! LOL! Maybe just do some deep breathing next time or something, pussy! LOLOL!!!"

I've tried that...both the "vacation" and the "relaxation." Neither worked. I'm having an intense physiological reaction to...something. And it's fairly non-specific...which is why I think it has complicated and delayed an actual "medical diagnosis."

I don't know why it happened. I don't know how it happened. But I'm sure that something has happened, and that it's not getting better.

Luckily for me, these "mind" problems can be treated. There's an entire industry that has sprung up in recent years (called the "pharmaceutical" industry, apparently) that is solely dedicated to fixing brain problems. That sounds like that's my next stop. And if that don't fix it...then it's back to the drawing board, I suppose.

But...do you know the shitty thing? This whole thing is embarrassing. Like...super-duper embarrassing. Not "shut up and stop blogging about it" embarrassing...but it's close.

I've been ping-ponging around to hospitals and doctors' offices, getting my blood drawn, racking up hundreds of dollars in copay bills, totally convinced that I'm dying. I've been detailing my health issues to all of my friends and family...worrying people who are too far away to help. I've been moping around the house, scared to be "active" because I might have another attack. I've convinced myself, and everyone around me, that I've got some kind of serious medical issue...and that the goddamn doctors just aren't seeing it.

(and for the record, I might still have an issue...it's probably just not heart-related)

But the reality just might be that I'm having some kind of mental health issue -- something is just misfiring somewhere in that beautiful brain of mine. Countless hours have been spent analyzing bodily fluids, measuring organs, and monitoring my electrical pulses of what appears to be a perfectly healthy (if a little overweight) 32 year old dude. If there's nothing "physically" wrong with me, there must be something "mentally" wrong with me.

Anyhow, that's the next step. And since I'm 8 parts into this goddamn saga, I'll continue to update you all on my mental health trials and tribulations. You'll read every goddamn minute of it, and love it all...damn you.

For Your Health! (part 7)

Well, I actually started (but didn't publish) this "part" several weeks ago. It started with this overly optimistic byline: "Hopefully this will be my last health-related post for a long damn time."

This is because several weeks ago I believed that my health problems were behind me, and since "5 doctors (including two cardiologists) with over 125 years of experience" had put me through a battery of tests, including 3 EKGs, a chest x-ray, and echocardiogram, blood panel, Holter monitor, and a stress test. All of this medical expertise and technology had found exactly "jack squat."

So I thought I was done. I thought I was in the clear, and that this whole goddamn thing was in my mind, not in my heart.

Well, what happened?

"It."

Specifically, the "racing heartbeat" thing that I'd avoided for several weeks happened again. And it happened after a weekend of mind-dulling fatigue that didn't seem to get better with rest.

I was sitting at my desk about 15 minutes before I was supposed to go home, and I got that old familiar feeling of chest tightening, and radiating pressure up my neck. This was followed by a racing heartbeat, which I remembered to clock this time (I was up to 120 BPM).

Eventually the heartbeat slowed to normal levels, but the anxiety, dizziness, and disorientation remained. I seriously debated whether or not I should go into the emergency room. I'd done it before and they found nothing. I mean, I'd been to a stinking cardiologist, and he found nothing...what chance did some ER doctor guy have of spotting something...in-between the drunks and the old people who frequent the urgent care centers?

Turns out, a pretty good chance.

After an aborted attempt to ride home, I realized that "dizziness" and "scooters" aren't a good match, so I drove to the nearest hospital and checked in. I was given a very rote EKG by a very rote EKG guy named "Tyler." I then received a chest x-ray, and was shown to my bed (in a room shared by a whining 10 year old child and his mother, as well as a very drunk Hispanic man with severe constipation). People came in and out, drawing blood, giving me aspirin, taking my dang copay money, et cetera.

Eventually the doctor showed up, armed with my EKG readings. He talked to me for a bit, got some background on my condition, and showed me the results.

"These are not normal readings."

I could've kissed him.

I mean, weird reaction to a positive medical test, sure, but I've been chasing this damn thing for months now...and to finally see something on the tests matched how I felt was pretty amazing.

The bad news, of course, was that I was told I had to stay overnight in the hospital...which kinda' complicated the next day's festivities (which included Disneyland, believe it or not).

Anyhow, my wonderful-amazing wife came to the hospital and stayed the night on the room's chair-bed while various people came in and out, taking blood, measuring vitals, offering me "spiritual counseling" (ah..."St. Joseph's" Hospital...), and just generally poking me full of holes.

This is all okay with me, of course. At some point today, a cardiologist is supposed to come meet with me and "set a course" for diagnosis/treatment. It's taken a long time (I have not actually seen a doctor since the ER guy last night, and it's just past noon now).

So as it turns out, this will not be my "last health-related post". No sir, you poor bastards will get to hear me whine and wheedle about my health problems for a least a few more blog entries. You're welcome.

For Your Health! (part 6)

My god...a six-part series about my health problems? How fucking boring am I?

Ugh.

Anyway, I just wanted to share this...which is a round-up of my "symptoms." I have an appointment with my new cardiologist on Wednesday, and hopefully I'll start getting some goddamn answers.

So, as promised, here's the list of symptoms:

• Occasional (once every few days) episodes of chest pain, numbness, racing heartbeat, disorientation, and a feeling of dread (brought on by caffeine, alcohol, exercise, stress, awkward physical positions, dehydration, lack of food)
  
• Occasional headache, disorientation, and feeling of detachment
• Constant feeling of chest pressure
• Occasional chest pain
• Constant feeling of neck pressure / discomfort
• Occasional loss of appetite
• Frequent feeling of "shortness of breath", especially during an attack
• Occasional dry mouth
• General feeling of fatigue
• Occasional numbness in extremities
  

Now, those are some pretty awesome symptoms, if I do say so myself. Fairly comprehensive list.

Just so you know, I threw that whole thing into the WebMD symptom checker, and it spit out this list of 20 possibilities:

1. Coronary artery disease (I've been told I'm too young for this)
2. Heart rhythm disorder (my personal choice)
3. Generalized anxiety disorder (this would be my preferred disease, since it's easier to treat than the actual heart-related diseases)
4. Atrial fibrillation (just like #2, except more specific)
5. Panic attack (like #3, except more specific)
6. Heat exhaustion (in March? Nope. Next)
7. Supraventricular tachycardia (another heart rhythm disorder...this one is the specific one I singled out a month ago as the most likely, in my inexpert opinion)
8. Migraine Headache (unlikely...but my mom had them...but they don't explain the main issue regarding the chest)
9. Asthma (again, unlikely)
10. Allergic reaction (possible...but unlikely)
11. Aortic regurgitation (I would have picked this one, but I've had five different doctors give my heart a good stethescoping, and they heard nothing irregular -- plus, the echocardiogram that I had would have seen anything like this...but other than that, it looked like a pretty good fit)
12. Anemia; chronic (possible...but doesn't fit with all of the most apparent symptoms)
13. Acute stress reaction (like #3 and #5...it'd be nice if this was it)
14. Anemia; iron deficiency (I get far too much iron...so it's unlikely)
    
15. Excessive caffeine use (I've cut down to 10 oz. of coffee a day, so this is unlikely)
16. Muscle strain (possible, in addition to the other symptoms...but doesn't explain the heart stuff)
17. Pulmonary embolism (I liked this one for a while, but I don't have a cough, so it's unlikely)
18. Anemia (here's the generalized version of #12 and #14...but it's unlikely, since my blood work did not show anything anemic)
19. Tension headache (nope)
20. Acute sinusitis (again, nope)

So there we have it. Nothing terribly scary on the list (I consider "cancer" to be the only really scary thing), but nothing super definitive.

Well, hopefully I'll be able to get some stinking answers on Wednesday, and I won't have to waste all this time recklessly speculating.

For Your Health! (part 5)

I'm frustratingly healthy.

I don't know how else to put it.

I finally got a chance to speak with my doctor to go over the lab results from my physical. Other than a general "you ought to exercise more," I passed the screening with flying colors.

Good news, right?

At any other time in my life, I'd have been thrilled. I'ma live forever, damn you. My blood is pure. My urine is fantastically clean. My heart, lungs, thyroid, liver, kidneys, and pancreas are squeezing out fluids and enzymes at the appropriate levels.

However, I still don't feel good...which makes the "healthy" results more frustrating than freeing.

My chest doesn't feel good. Admittedly, it's better than it's been in a few weeks. My paroxysmal arrhytmetic tachycardial events (I just made that phrase up) have been few and far between. I get occasional headaches, and moments of disorientation...but I don't know if those are unrelated.

It's gotten to the point that, any time I see a random "rare" disease mentioned in the news, I look it up to see if it fits the symptoms I have. Probably not a healthy exercise.

Anyhow, I related my chest-pain concerns to the doctor, and he finally gave me a referral to a cardiologist. Now...if this frigging cardiologist can't find anything, then the total number of doctors that have had a peek under my hood and have found nothing wrong would stand at 5. That's almost a century-worth of experience and education. At that point, I think it'd be time to give one of them "headshrinkers" a call...because, frankly, if I am actually healthy, I'm sure as hell tired of feeling "not healthy."

For Your Health! (part 4)

Nada.

At least, that's according to the echocardiogram...or more specifically, the doctor's interpretation of the echocardiogram.

There does not appear to be anything wrong with my heart.

But as I mentioned before, it sure as hell feels like something is wrong with me.

Wat do?

This is not the end, of course. The doctor did a full physical (including blood work and pee-in-a-cup work), and we'll be discussing the results together in two weeks or so.

In the meantime...my symptoms have been waning ever since my last "episode." I'm still vaguely aware of something "not quite right" in my chest, but the pain and discomfort is mostly gone at this point.

Mostly.

Because it's not all the way gone. About 2 hours ago, I had that old familiar chest discomfort again (tightening, numbness, and a racing heartbeat). It only lasted for a little bit, and it was very minor...but it was definitely there.

Now, if both my ECG and EKG checked out fine, obviously I don't think I'm in any mortal danger. I am (and have been) in a very low-risk pool for heart disease, and these symptoms do not match up with anything that could be considered dangerous.

But still...

I wish I could get some kind of confirmation. If it's true that I'm totally healthy, then why do I feel like this?

More and more I'm starting to lean toward the idea that these are panic attacks...which is good. I can deal with a sickness of the mind (especially one so commonplace) and I can seek treatment without having to worry that I'm "missing something" (because as I understand it, diagnosis of panic attacks is more deductive than inductive).

So that's where I'm at. I will update if things worsen. I probably won't update if things get better (because...that's boring). And I will definitely update after meeting with my doctor to discuss the laboratory results.

Guess it's good news/bad news. The good news is my heart appears healthy. The bad news is that I still don't feel healthy.

Maybe I'm just getting old. Gah.

For Your Health! (part 3)

What a difference a doctor makes, eh?

Hey gang. Well, good news and bad news. The good news is, the new doctor seems much more competent than the old guy. Good listener, patient, and he seems to be interested in putting me through a battery of tests (which is all I ever wanted).

The bad news is that this won't happen until Monday...which gives me another weekend of undiagnosed anxiety.

Which is okay, really. I haven't had an "episode" since last Wednesday, and I feel better than I have in quite some time. Still not great, unfortunately -- I've had some trouble sleeping, and I think I've convinced myself that if I sleep on my side my symptoms worsen (this is very likely psychosomatic).

But I feel like my health is in much better hands now. I'll keep you all posted.

For Your Health! (part 2)

So...I got nothing.

Scratch that. I do have a new "primary care provider."

But as far a "knowledge of the stupid thing that's making you fear that you're dying," I got nothing.

I saw the cardiologist on Friday, as planned. I filled out all the damn paperwork and waited for a long time (I didn't get into the office until forty-five minutes after my appointment).

Reminded me of this:



Anyhow, eventually I was called into a room, my blood pressure was taken, and my EK was G'd. Once again (unfortunately?), I passed both with flying colors.

After another 10 minute wait, the Doc arrived. He was a young-ish (for a doctor), and I noticed that we were wearing the same style of shoes.


These.

Maybe it was casual Friday? I don't know. Didn't really bother me...I just thought it was notable.

And he asked me the very general, "So, what's going on with you?"

I gave him a brief history of my symptoms (first attack on an airplane, several more since then, went to the emergency room, constant chest pain and tightness). He asked if I had a family history (I do), and if I was a smoker (I'm not). Then we started talking about Henry, and what I do for a living.

This whole thing took about 5 minutes, after which he stood up and said, "Okay, Tyler, come with me."

I thought, okay...cool. More test. Let's smoke this sucker out.

But, no. He sat me in front of a receptionist, and had her schedule me for a test next week, and a follow-up in two weeks. He shook my hand, made some kind of lame joke about being a Somali Pirate (I'd mentioned that I work in anti-piracy enforcement...harr harr...), and sped away from me.

So lamely, I filled out the sheets, collected my things, and went on my way...totally undiagnosed, and fairly certain that I was going to keel over before I could make it to my test next week.

Walking back to my car, I wondered if there were things that I could have told him that would have made him take me more seriously. Like, how I almost passed out when I was going for a jog? Or how my chest hurt constantly? Or how I had attacks even when I was at rest? Or how I was having trouble sleeping? Maybe he could have given me advice (lay off the caffeine, and slow down on the exercise) or something...but I got nothing. Nothing but a promise of "further testing."

This bugged me all the way home. Do I just need to start lying to these guys to get them to take me seriously? Why are they so stingy with the medical tests? Don't you want to rule things out first?

I mean, I'm new to all of this stuff. I only had a handful of physical exams after I graduated from college, and I've never had anything approaching "serious symptoms" of a disease before. I've never really had to deal with health insurance or hospital bureaucracy...so I don't know if I'm doing it right or not.

All I want is for someone to tell me either:

A) You're healthy, don't worry about these symptoms you've been experiencing, because they'll go away.

B) You've got something wrong with you -- here's what we can do to fix it.

So I decided to get a new doctor. Actually, I'd decided that a long time ago, but I only put in the request after the New Year. My old doctor seemed to cater mostly to geriatric patients. His support staff was irritating, and while his bedside manner was fine...it seemed to me that any time I came in with a concern, he seemed unfazed because of my "youth."

Don't know how the new guy is (I'm seeing him for the first time on Wednesday), but it will be interesting to get a second opinion on things. Part of the conditions of the switch are that, any and all "referrals" made from my old Primary Care Provider are "Null and void."

Which means no more "Dr. Sketchers." Even if that means I'll have to wait even longer for tests and test results...I'm totally fine with that too.

So I'll keep you all posted. Lots of stuff happening...but no real news, as of yet.

For Your Health! (part 1)

Some good advice:



So I'll give some background on my health, an issue that is ongoing. This will either serve as a cool "cautionary tale," an entertaining anecdote about me overreacting to a health scare. Either way, I think it'll be good reading.

Here's the scoop: I've not been feeling well for a while now...dating back to, probably, somewhere in early 2011. There was nothing specific about my ill health -- it felt like a string of colds, punctuated with bouts of "a bad cold." It felt like I was always "kind of sick" in one way or the other, for several months.

I did regular check-ups with my doctor (well...one regular check-up sometime in 2011) as well as several "Hey-is-this-normal-to-be-feeling-like-this" visits. Every time I got a clean bill of health, the worst critique being "you ought to lose a little weight."

And honestly, the constant sickness has never been really debilitating. More like a persistent, irritating cold that came and went. I honestly don't know whether or not this has contributed in any way to my current condition, or if it's just a coincidence. I just thought I should put that out there, just in case.

But I'm relatively young, and relatively active. I don't have any unhealthy habits, and my family has a pretty good history of longevity. Even if I was concerned (as my multiple unscheduled visits to my doctor will attest), I never thought it was anything serious.

Until things got serious.

When I was flying back to Los Angeles after visiting Seattle for Christmas, something happened. Something really shitty.

It's hard to explain, but I felt an odd sensation in my chest (kind of a gripping, or a bump, or thump, or something) followed by a very rapid heart beat, an inability to catch my breath, and a sense that I was probably going to die. Soon.

I took some deep breaths, tried to get comfortable, and kept telling myself, "Calm the fuck down." I wondered what a plane did if a passenger went into cardiac arrest on a flight.

Eventually, my heart stopped racing, and the pain went away. Not entirely, of course, but close enough.

I didn't quite know what to think of that...but it was in the back of my mind. I assumed that I just freaked out, and something to do with the altitude screwed with my biology.

When I was home alone in Los Angeles (my wife was in Idaho with her family) it happened again.

"Shit," I thought. "I'm going to die alone. Fuck."

Eventually, that second spell went away too...but I decided that I needed to get it looked at. So I threw on a jacket and went to the emergency room.

"Chest pain" and "shortness of breath" are a pretty quick ticket inside the ER, and I was promptly processed, tested, x-rayed, and shown to my room.

After a while, I started to feel better...which made me feel a little stupid. The staff was very nice, but the doctor came in and assured me that everything came back clean. In the end, he hinted that I might want to consider seeing a psychologist, and told me to follow up with my doctor within two days.

I looked up "Panic Attacks" when I got home, read the symptoms, and just started laughing. It was describing my "spell" exactly.

"Whew," I probably didn't say.

So I did a bunch of research on panic attacks. It's not a life-threatening condition, but it does require treatment. I figured I'd just go ahead and take care of it after the New Year.

And the New Year came and went without a relapse. I didn't have any more episodes, and I figured that it must have been an overreaction.

A couple of days after we returned from our New Years trip in Idaho, I got another one. This one woke me up.

"Fuck," I probably said. "I can't be panicked when I sleep. Why did this happened?"

So I Googled it. Yep. No problem. Panic attacks "can occur at any time, even during sleep."

Once again, I was placated. I slept again, Googled more ways to fight my panic attacks, and put "doctor's appointment" on my to-do list.

I had one or two more attacks. They were irritating, but I was able to function fine. I convinced myself that I just needed to "zen" my way through an attack.

Last weekend, my wife and I were given a rare "Child-free Weekend Day," and we used the time to go out to breakfast and take a walk.

I felt shitty the whole time...not because of the exquisite company, but because something was just not right inside of me. I couldn't put my finger on it...but stuff just felt off, and there was this vague, continuous, dull pressure (and sometime pain) in the center of my chest that would just not go away, and I couldn't get comfortable.

I let it go, and resolved to see my doctor first thing on Monday. Things seemed to be ramping up, and it stopped fitting the profile of "panic attacks" in my head.

Ironically, this dawning realization made me panic a little bit.

Last Sunday (the 22nd) I started my annual training for the Glendale Downtown Dash. Since tearing my calf muscle back in November, I'd been horribly inactive. The thought of training and running was daunting...but I thought it'd be a good way to start to try to eventually sort of possibly maybe somehow get back into shape.

My run started off pretty good. I was pushing our jogging stroller, and Henry seemed to be enjoying himself (I was worried that he'd find running as boring as I do).

About seven minutes into this, it happened again...oh boy did it happen.

Wham!

My heart fell like a stone (or cinched up like a trash bag, or seized like an FBI), and my body went numb. I tried to breathe, but I could only pant. I looked behind me -- there was another running group back there, and I was hoping that one of them knew CPR in case my little ticker stopped ticking.

My heart started racing...which I suppose is better than "stopping" altogether. I started walking slowly...taking deep breaths, and trying to not pass out. Eventually, my heart returned to its normal pace, but that pain in my chest lingered.

I got back to car and called my doctor's office, and spoke to the "on-call" physician. I explained my symptoms, and he assured me that it probably wasn't my heart, because I was too young, or something. I asked him if I should go to the emergency room, and he said I probably didn't need to.

I tried to "sell" my symptoms to him, even fibbing at times to make them appear worse...but he did not seem concerned. My confidence in his ability to diagnose the issue was pretty low.

I thanked him and hung up the phone.

I was wrecked with dread for the entire rest of the day, and on through the evening. I tried to savor every moment with my wife, child, and friends...just in case that moment happened to be my last.

Needless to say, I did not sleep well.

The chest pain was still there on Monday morning. It was more dull and abstract, but it was there none-the-less.

I got an early appointment with my doctor. I described my symptoms, and he assured me that I'm outside of the "heart attack" range ("I've never seen a 32 year old have a heart attack," is my paraphrase of his reassurance).

However, he said it did sound a lot like an arrhythmia. This is a broad diagnosis that ranges from "relatively minor and treatable," to "dangerous and deadly," though my doctor seemed to think it was "atrial" than "ventricular" (atrial is generally preferable...from what I've read).

Personally, I'm rooting for paroxysmal supraventricular tachycardia, because it's got a cool-sounding name, a handy acronym (PSVT), I can control it myself using a cool thing called the Valsalva Maneuver, it's treatable, and it's "generally not life threatening." But I'm also okay with "There's nothing wrong with you at all LOL!"

My doctor told me that I'd have a referral to a cardiologist in the mail "ASAP."

Ah...the glories of the HMO.

Today I finally got my referral, and have an appointment for tomorrow at 9. I hope I do well.

Of course, this could either be the conclusion, or just the beginning (hence, the open-ended "part 1" in the title). Arrhythmia could be the disease, or just a symptom. I could have a little flutter that can be controlled, or I could require a heart transplant (which means I'm in the right place -- our local hospital, Cedars-Sinai, is ranked first nationally).

Either way, there are lots of treatments available, and since heart disease is so bad (it's the leading cause of death in the US) there has been a crap-load of research, and many new innovative treatments.

Which is my way of saying, I'm in good hands...and I even have insurance this time! If this had happened three years ago, I would have been screwed. FIGURATIVELY! (I'm trying to start using that in the way that people misuse "literally"...as you can see, it's not going well so far).

I'll keep you posted. I know that I've obsessed with death a bit in this space...so I'll try my damnedest to keep things positive. But you know me. I write what I'm feeling...and if I receive shitty news, you can expect things to get very uncomfortable in this blog space. Sorry, but that's how it goes.

So enjoy! And thanks for reading!

(part 2 here)