Did the Child Pass?

There was a little doubt, but finally, this week, Erika and got affirmation as to exactly why we left lovely Seattle, and moved to Los Angeles.

Now, as I mentioned in my previous blog entry where I pwned GoogleMaps (then taught my sister how to say the word "pwned"), I managed to drive from Seattle to LA in one day. Not an easy task, and my brain was pretty much mush by the time I arrived here, but I now know it’s possible.

Anyhow, nothing really important happens over the weekend in Los Angeles – TV shows rarely shoot, and no one posts auditions. I didn’t think the entertainment industry was on a Monday to Friday kind of schedule, but apparently it is. So I got to relax over the weekend…reacclimatize myself to this lovely metropolis.

On Monday morning, I was ready and rearing to start up with the acting. But, instead, we went to the beach, because it was really freaking hot outside. At the beach, I called into our background casting agency http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Central_casting, and booked myself on a Jerry Bruckheimer pilot called Eleventh Hour, that apparently takes place in Seattle. Yes, I had to move to Los Angeles in order to appear in TV shows that are based in Seattle. Irony, you taste so salty.

However, once I got to the shoot, I was struck with a case of, what I like to call, "The Darkness." This is an insidious disease that manifests itself in various destructive ways…such as me feeling ugly, untalented, dumb, awkward, unfunny, uninteresting…y’know, wonderful stuff like that. It was all prompted by a lovely encounter with a make-up woman on set.

See, once you show up to a background gig, you’ve got to do two things – check in with the 2nd Assistant Director (a.k.a. "The Extras Wrangler"), then go through wardrobe so they can approve the clothing you’ve brought. Wardrobe usually consists of two people that typically fall into the following categories: earthy females, effeminate males, or old English women. These two folks check out the background actors, and either give them a "thumbs up," or dress them in something else from their trailer.

Anyhow, on the last couple of shoots I’d been on, I had to go through hair & make-up as well as wardrobe. I thought that, since I had a monster zit on my forehead, I’d better check to see if hair and make-up approved. The hair and make-up area of the set is basically the same thing as the wardrobe trailer, except instead of clothes, there are barber’s chairs and mirrors.

Well, as I was standing outside the trailer, a woman on the inside (of the "earthy" variety) was touching up one of the "stars" of the pilot. I tried to get her attention, but she didn’t seem interested in talking to a lowly extra. After a good twenty count of her ignoring me, she moved to close the door on the trailer in my face (she may have thought I was just gawking at the "star" I’d never heard of, thus breaking some unwritten code that extras and castmembers are not to intermingle). I asked the make-up lady, "So, does background need to go through hair and make-up?" She responded by flatly saying, "Okay, thank you," and slamming the door to the trailer in my face.

Now, recounting it just now, it doesn’t seem so humiliating…but for me, a movie-set neophyte, it was fairly embarrassing. Super embarrassing. Plus, I do this thing where I’m not able to let things go sometimes…so while my mouth was laughing and telling myself "Man, what a [cuss word]," my brain was berating me for being so stupid, and bothering the important people that I should never have been talking to.

Anyhow, I’ve digressed like wildfire here. The point is, I was feeling very low at this point. Luckily, my wife totally rules, and through cunning verbal acrobatics (basically telling me "Get over it, and cheer up!" in a kind way) she was able to boost my esteem as much as one can over a cell phone conversation.

But the day progressed, and I was still fairly bummed out…and I kept fighting another onset of "The Darkness" through most of the filming. Afterwards, as I was driving to our acting class, I got a phone call that started good times.

Well, apparently the Sprite commercial that I’d auditioned for about 2 months ago hadn’t been cast, and I was being called back to read again, on Wednesday morning. This is my first Los Angeles call back, and it was an audition I’d got through my agent (as opposed to something I’d submitted myself for), so it was a pretty good deal. Plus, when I got home, I found that I had two more auditions to attend on Wednesday…which meant that I had two auditions and a call back…all in one day. I was lucky to get three commercial auditions in a month in Seattle, much less three in one day…which is reason number 4 why we moved here.

So, early Wednesday morning, I zipped across Los Angeles in my 1990 Geo Prizm, going from one audition to the next like a bona fide Los Angeles actor-type person. I even got my first parking ticket…which sucked (me neglecting to drop 25 extra cents into meter turned into a $40 ticket)…but it was okay, because parking tickets and Los Angeles are just a part of the experience.

But, if I may digress for a second, when I was driving around on Tuesday, I saw ten parking enforcement vehicles on the road. 10. During that same trip, I saw one police cruiser. That’s a 10:1 ratio for parking enforcement vehicles to police cars. Something is wrong with that. I was exactly 12 minutes late feeding the meter, and somehow that bastard tagged me with a ticket. 12 minutes! That’s in-crazy!

Anyhow, enough of that…that’s just The Darkness talking. The point is, I hit up all three auditions, and on my way home I got a call from my agent informing me that I’d booked the Sprite audition! Now, before y’all get too excited, it was a non-union job, only paying about $550 (after taxes & agent commission), and playing in Ireland. But hell, it was something that I auditioned for, went up against dozens of real Los Angeles actors, got cast in, and am getting paid for. I hate tooting my own horn, but that was pretty damn awesome.

Then, to top it off, the next day I got an e-mail from my agent, informing me that I’d been called back for the second audition from the previous day (for some insurance company in Nebraska). Pretty good stuff.

And on Thursday, I put in a 12.5 hour day doing extra work for the TV show Without a Trace, which will add a couple more dollars to the "Keep Tyler Jobless" fund.

Then on Friday Erika got groped by Chris Farley’s brother…while Kelsey Grammer watched. But you can read all about that in her blog, which is delightful. Me? I stayed home and played video games all day. Very productive.

Saturday night, something rad happened. See, we’d always heard about how difficult it was to make friends in the "superficial, sleazy, and uninterested" city of Angels…and we moved down here expecting to be surrounded by pricks…save for our room mates, and the occasional old friendly face from college. But lo, Los Angeles is just chock full of surprises, and we’ve managed to find a group of people that I’m not ashamed to call "friends." Well, this group of friends went to karaoke on Saturday night at a place called Sardo’s. It was fantastic, a highlight of the evening being a stirring rendition of David Bowie’s grand epic Space Oddity, and a gender-defying performance of A Whole New World. I must say, after a couple of months sometimes slogging through the materialism, pretension, and artificiality of some aspect of the film industry, it’s awesome to have met some people here who are genuine, funny, and genuinely funny. And not Guatemalan. Actually, I think one of them is Guatemalan, but we don’t hold that against him.

But enough ass kissing. Point is, it was a good week…for myself and for Erika (who was on the brink of being cast in an independent film today, and will be starring in a theater production shortly. But, like I said, if you want her update, check out her blog…which she’s promised to start tending to with more frequency…).

Is that it? Yeah…I think so. We’ll see what this week holds. Today, I was just informed that I’ll be auditioning for a national spot that may see me traveling to Norway to film…if I get it. Cross your fingers, people…because that would be cool.

Oh, and in case you were wondering about the title of this blog, it was a reference to something that I (apparently) said in my sleep on Sunday. "Did the child pass?" I asked my wife. I guess we’ll never know, because apparently I fell right back asleep.

Google Maps. Pwned.

What’s that you say?



They said it couldn’t be done. Heck, even I said it couldn’t be done. But I freaking did it. Left Seattle at 5:30 in the AM, arrived in Los Angeles at 10:19 in the PM. That’s 16 hours, and 49 minutes. Google Maps, I’m totally the boss of you now.

Good Housekeeping

Hello People,

Well, I’ve done it. This is my 100th blog entry...starting back in the heady days of 2005...in fact...holy crap. My wedding anniversary minus two! October 6th, 2005. Creepy. Now I see why Erika chose that date...it’s all coming together. Anyhow, it was then that I decided to put finger to key, and fire off my first blog entry, where I blogged about...writing a blog. Brilliant.

Now, this blog has had several different incarnations...most of which last for a good month or so, until I grow weary of them and move on. Because some people out there have a purpose behind their writing. Not I, friends...not I. I have written such enlightening topics as how to talk to people, passion, breakfast, rainbows, misunderstandings, hair loss, Lean Cuisines, cat attacks, hair cuts, love, being loved, fruit, dating, and finally a bunch of crap about trying to be an actor in Los Angeles. It’s been a good time. Some entries I’m proud of, and some are quite dull. But it’s something I created...and for better or worse, I’ll leave it out there.

My dear mother asked me for a list of the extra work that Erika and I have taken part in...and I thought I’d indulge. If you’re interested in glimpsing me on the small screen, here’s a list of what I’ve done so far:

1) Feature Film: The Soloist. I am in an office scene that takes place in the Los Angeles Times building. I wore a blue shirt, and (as the camera pans by) I’m behind Robert Downey Jr., sitting on a desk, facing to my right.

2) Television Series: My Name Is Earl. Episode Name: "I Won’t Die With A Little Help From My Friends", airing Thursday April 3rd, 2008 at 8:00 PM on Thursday. There’s a good chance you won’t see me, but if you do, I’m sitting two people to the left of Jaime Pressly on a church pew during a church scene involving faith healing. I’m wearing a brown-striped polo shirt and jeans.

3) Television Pilot: Danny Fricke. Episode Name: "Pilot", airing at some indeterminate time on A&E. I’m in a funeral scene, wearing a dark brown suit. In the wide shot, I’m the second person from the left in the back row. In the close-ups, I’m the second person from the right in the back row. After the scene, when people are walking to their cars, I’m crossing camera left to camera right, and I get into a grey Hyundai.

4) Television Show: House. Episode Name: TBA, airing Tuesday, April 28th, 2008 at 9:00 PM on Fox. At a bowling alley, I make two crosses behind House and Dr. Robert Chase...first left to right, then right to left. I’m wearing a brown polo shirt. Then, in a bar scene with House and Dr. James Wilson, I start on camera right talking to someone, then I cross from right to left, then back left to right. I’m wearing a dark blue blazer.

As for Erika, I don’t have too many details...but she’s going to be on Desperate Housewives, airing April 13th at 9:00 PM on ABC. She’s in two scenes -- a presbyterian church scene (where she’s seated directly behind the stars), and a award ceremony scene (where she’s seated in front of a stage). She’s also on How I Met Your Mother, where she’s in a bar...standing behind Doogie Howser and some other guy. That airs on Monday, March 17th at 8:30 on CBS. She also appears in The Soloist, sitting at a desk, facing away from Robert Downey Jr., on his left, shortly after he enters the newsroom. I feel like I’m missing one...but perhaps Erika can fill in the gap? If she’s out there? Babe?

All right...that’s all for now. 100 down...100 more to go.

Quench Your Thirst!

Well, the Sprite commercial has finally appeared online...and unless you've been in a theater in Ireland lately (it's one of those long-ish commercials you see before movies now...but only shown in Ireland), then you probably haven't seen it. Until now:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLtC4k5uyHg

(sorry, they disabled embedding, so I can't post the video directly here...but you can still click the link to see the video on YouTube)

The guy with the rocking sideburns and the green shirt getting sprayed in the face with a Sprite bottle? Yep, that's me. Goodbye artistic integrity, hello modest stipend. It's official, I'm a corporate whore sell-out...and I'd gladly shill for your company as well.

Oh, I just remembered -- this isn't Sprite's first foray into blaxploitation comedy. Remember that little doll from a couple of years ago? Personally, I think ours is much better.

Anyhow, that's my first (and only, so far) foray into legitimate (I use the term loosely) acting work. It's nice, more because I can boast to other people that I did a Sprite commercial...not mentioning that it was for a non-union overseas distribution.

As to what I'm really doing? Well...here's clip 2 of Tyler's Background Acting Extravaganza:

Background Work





..

Little bits of trivia:

House
* Hugh Laurie didn't walk around set with a limp...but he did speak with his "American Accent" the entire time.
* In the shots of them bowling towards the camera, there were a couple of unlucky crewmen tasked with the responsibility of catching each ball after the actor threw it -- so they could synch the sound up correctly.
* The bar scene was shot in the Bowling Alley's bar (even though it appeared much later in the episode).
* As I was getting into my car at the parking lot, Hugh Laurie walked by me and I said "Good night" to him, and he replied, "Good night." Sans English accent...
* Filmed at the Bay Shore Lanes in Santa Monica.

CSI:NY
* The flying shot was accomplished using a crane with a long extending arm -- the footage was then sped up in post-production. I was told to make sure I "Got the hell out of the way" as the camera was approaching...much quicker than you might imagine.
* The girl I was talking to was terrible at blackjack.
* All the dealers were actual experienced casino dealers.
* The day I filmed this, I waited a record (for me) 8 hours before I actually filmed my first scene. That was 8 hours of getting paid to read a book.

My Name is John Galt

Five quick things…then I will expound. But those of you just looking for a general update, you'll have to read no further than this paragraph. A) I worked background on "My Name Is Earl" B) I started reading "Atlas Shrugged" C) I worked background on a new pilot starring the sister from Gladiator D) My first "project" in Los Angeles has been edited and posted on YouTube E) I'm going to be back in Seattle from March 13^th to about March 19^th.

Okay, that's the quick wrap up, or the inverted pyramid of what I've been up to (thank you college journalism class!). Those of you with short attention spans, or who loathe my digressive style of writing (that means you, Allcorn), you're welcome.

Now, on with the specifics. We'll start with A…because "A is for Angelfish"

Quick digression…a while ago I was trying to come up with the most common "(letter) as in (word)" sayings…because I was mystified as to why most people I know, when they had to say something, used to say "N as in Nancy." Of course, the military came up with their list, but I was thinking about developing my own…because no one really says "N as in November." And, as far as I can tell, no one names their kids Nancy any more…so "N as in Nancy" is all the Nancy's in the world have left.

End digression. So yeah. Where was I? Ah yes. A, as in Apple (the true "as in" for A). Anyway, so I worked "My Name Is Earl" on Tuesday, playing a church-going redneck. I sat (literally) one seat away from Ms. Jaime Pressly (an actress who has won an Emmy. I repeat, she won an Emmy. She has single-handedly won more Emmys than The Wire has in 5 seasons on the air. More than Buffy the Vampire Slayer had after 7 seasons on the air. There is something hideously wrong with that…but…oops…I have digressed…again…).

My impressions of the show…well, I don't do impressions. But if you've seen "There Will Be Blood," a gentleman on SNL did a fantastic impression of Daniel Plainview. But, as for My Name Is Earl…well, I'm not a fan of the show. I like me some Jason Lee, but after watching the pilot a couple of years ago, I shrugged and moved on to other endeavors.

And Jason Lee is everything I hoped he'd be – friendly, funny, charismatic, down-to-earth. Good guy. Jaime Pressly was very nice too, but she turned a bit petulant when she kept messing up one of her lines. Ethan Suplee was really quiet the entire time…I don't know if he said a single word to anyone (other than Jason Lee) through the entire 8 hour shoot.

Funny thing, between takes, every actor turned their attentions to their phones. Ethan Suplee seemed to be playing a game of some kind, whereas Jaime Pressly was texting like crazy, and Jason Lee kept calling people between takes. Also, when they weren't on their phones, Jason and Ethan would talk hushedly between takes, and even when the director was ready to shoot a new scene they'd still be talking, and the director would have to ask Jason to leave the shot. It was pretty funny.

All in all, it was a pleasant set to be on. There didn't seem to be any tension or drama – just a bunch of people who seemed to like what they were doing. If you want to see me on the show, wait for the scene where there's a "Faith Healer." I'm the guy in the pew, two people to the left of Ms. Pressly. There's a pretty good chance I won't be in any of the shots, but if I am, look for the dude in the striped-brown polo, with the delicious little bald spot on his pate.

Anyway, let me just fire off a little something about "extra work" in general. First up, just for the record, I know it's not really acting. At all. I mean, this seems like a no-brainer to me, but some people out there (including some of the extras I've worked with) may be confused about this. There's really no comparison between the two.

Because, to "book" a gig as an extra, all you have to do is look a certain way, then call a person who tells you if you do, in fact, look that "certain way." Then, once you're on set, all that is really required of you is that you wear a proper outfit, pay attention to what they ask you to do, and behave yourself.

Now, no one with any sort of pull in Hollywood thinks that background work is "acting" either, and consequently, they don't treat background people as real "actors." This is understandable. Now, I've never been treated "badly" by any stretch of the imagination (though the long-time extras I've talked to all seem to have horror stories), but you're definitely not on-par with the people "in focus" behind the cameras. Not by a long shot. You are treated like people (as opposed to "movable set pieces"), and most of the cast and crew are kind, but you're constantly reminded of your "place" on set. You've got a separate holding area, separate craft services table, separate bathrooms, you're not really supposed to talk to anyone with an important title (actor, director, producer, cinematographer, etc.) at any time, and you're kept pretty much in the dark from the moment you set foot in the place.

However, all that aside, being an extra is "totally awesome." Maybe it's my early-Hollywood naïveté, but I'm loving the hell out of it. In fact, last Tuesday, I had to get up at 4:45 AM for My Name Is Earl, and I went straight from there to our acting class that night, and I didn't get home until 11:00 PM. Now, while I was on the set of My Name Is Earl, I called in for another extra gig the following day, so I slept from about midnight to 4:00 AM, and headed out to the set of the pilot that was being shot in Pasadena, and got home from that at about 12:00 PM. Now, that was a lot of "times" that I was throwing around there, but essentially, in the span of 36 hours, I was working for 26 hours, on about 4 hours of sleep. But the funny thing is I didn't really feel tired during the process, and I'd gladly do it again.

Here's why: there are two awesome things about extra work. First up, it's so freaking easy. My Name Is Earl was essentially 8 hours of "sitting in a church pew." The pilot was 4 hours of "standing around a casket." And for that they pay you just a touch over minimum wage…which makes me feel ridiculously over-paid.

Secondly, they give you free food. Free. What job guarantees all you can eat breakfast, lunch, and snacks...and the company will pick up the check? Seriously. You get paid to sit around, read, and eat some really good free catered food. Plus, you get to see a bunch of famous people, and watch them work. I mean…sure, there's a chance I'll become another "disenchanted background artist," who slogs his way onto set with his camping chair and a blanket, grumbles his way through the buffet table, burns his way through a Sudoku and a crossword puzzle, then collects his check on the way home. But I don't think so. I've worked way too many low-paying, monotonous jobs to be informed that I'm "wasting my time" doing extra work.

Okay, back to the list. Hmm..."B" is not so interesting…I've started reading Atlas Shrugged. I just thought I should include that, in case the title of this blog didn't make sense. The characters in the book pose the question "Who is John Galt?" when they're asked a question with no answer. So I mashed that, and the title of the show I worked on. That, my dear sweet friends, is what I like to call "clever." And I hate things that are clever.

"C?" Hmm…I don't remember "C." Lemme see here…ah. Yes. A pilot. Well, that was pretty uneventful (as I'm sure most of these gigs will be for me, eventually). It was a short 5 hours out of my day to stand around a cemetery…and then cross in front of a camera away from a burial. Apparently it's for a new cop drama (because television needs another show about police work. Seriously), starring the sister from Gladiator. The premise? "A tough female detective copes with her sexist colleagues while investigating high-profile cases." Well, I shouldn't speak negatively about it, because there's a chance I'll be working on it regularly…as an extra. Heck, who knows…I thought for sure that the show Third Rock from the Sun was doomed, and that lasted 6 seasons. Anyhow, if you do chance to catch the show Danny Fricke, keep an eye out for a balding gentleman wearing a dark brown suit at the funeral. He'll either be on the left side of the funeral (for the wide shot), or the right side (for the close-ups).

D? I had a D? Hmm…my first project. Yes, there we go. All right, well, I was contacted by the person who runs GadZook Films, and asked to do a super-low-budget promotional shoot for Wizard World L.A. 2008. The company wrote up what I consider to be a very funny script, and we shot it all on one Saturday at one of the producers' workplace. I think it looks great. Anyhow, I'll add the YouTube video below, but if you want to go to the actual YouTube web page and vote on it, that would be greatly appreciated…as the more views/votes it gets, the more likely it is to be seen by a large number of people.

E. What's in an E? Ah. I'll be in Seattle from March 13^th to the 18^th or the 19^th. If you'd like to see me, then let me know…though I must warn you, I'll be pretty busy with family (who are, I imagine, 90% of the viewership of this blog).

Oh, and if you're curious about Erika…I suppose I can throw in some bits about her…as she doesn't blog the hell out of this stuff like I do. And Erika, if you're reading, feel free to correct any inaccuracies that I've made. Anyhow, Erika's done background work on a NASCAR Promo, Desperate Housewives (in a Protestant Church scene, sitting directly behind Marcia Cross' character),How I Met Your Mother (in a bar scene), and House (as a "striking nurse" outside of the hospital). And these, along with mine, are only the "new episodes" which are airing post-Writer's Strike. She's been much more successful than I have at getting on camera, so if you're interested in seeing someone you know in the background, you'll probably have more luck seeing her than you will me.

All right, I've gone on far too long now, so I should stop the madness. I hope this update was sufficient, Mother…

This Be Frenchy, Yo

Now, I don't know if people are digging this or not, but my wife has been pushing me to let Frenchy have another go at blogging. I was, naturally, furious...and threatened to divorce her on the spot. However, she took a firm stand (God bless her), and after a good 24 seconds of arguing, I saw things her way. Actually, I have a transcript of the argument.

Erika: Hey, you should do another Frenchy blog?
Me (with an Xbox controller in hand): DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, WOMAN!
Erika: What? What's wrong with you?
Me: (uncontrollable sobbing)
Erika: Are you all right? Why is your shoulder bleeding?
Me: I WANT A DIVORCE!!!
Erika: No.
Me (after a 10 second pause): Very well. Hand me my stenograph, it's time to find out what Frenchy's thinking.

I think it was one of those "good" arguments. The kind that, after you're done, you feel like making the other shoulder bleed.

Anyhow, here's Frenchy. Enjoy.

Hi! I'm Frenchy! I'm a cat! I think I'm going to start all of my blogs that way...it will be like my "catch phrase." Or my "cat phrase!" LOL!!!

Anyhow, wouldn't you know it, but I was enjoying a nice snooze in a box when Tyler came over and started asking me questions! Well, as much as I like a good nap, I do enjoy telling my life story. It's really interesting, IMHO!

Anyhow, guess what?! We're not in Seattle any more! I know, right? Apparently when I was in that small plastic box for three days, they were driving to a whole nother state! Imagine my surprise! I thought the place looked different, and I was going to start asking around, but I didn't want to raise a stink (I save that for the litter box, LOLOLOL!!!)

So, I just found out from Doody that this is the place where movies are made. Well, I thought that was just really neat. Imagine your old pal Frenchy, up on the silver screen. Wouldn't that be funny!?! I'd probably be a pretty good actor, because I'm good at playing "pretend." Like there's this mouse that I play with that Tyler and Erika bought, and I know it's not real, but I play with it all the time like it's a real mouse! How about that for "acting!" LOL!!!

But I decided one time to get really serious about my craft. So I recorded this movie. I don't want to spoil it for you, but it's pretty good. No, it's really good. No, it's maybe in the top 5 movies ever made (next to Garfield: The Movie, Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties, The Lion King, and Ingmar Bergman's masterwork Smultromstället). Anyhow, here it is:

Frenchy's Afternoon Nap






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Did you like it? Did you even watch it?! Either way, it's fine! I'm very proud of my performance, I think it's Golden Globe-worthy!

Well, that's about all the time I got now, because I'm getting pretty sleepy. But, before I go, I have to dish on some "gossip." Apparently Doody found my basket! Can you believe it! I was just ready to take my late-morning nap, when what should my yellow eyes behold, but Mr. Doody, sleeping away in my basket! I wasn't mad. Well, actually, come to think of it, I was pretty mad...but what're you gonna' do? I mean...Doody does what Doody does, and there's not much a cat like me can do to change that! LOL!!!

Man, Doody! What the heck are you doing up there anyway?! LOL!!!

Whelp, that's all for me! Time to take my mid-evening nap!