And because that'll probably never happen, I've decided to answer that fantasy question on my fantasy blog, and give the answer out to my incredibly limited readership. Enjoy, you lovely bastards.
Well, fantasy interviewer, that's a great question! Honestly, I'd tongue-kiss you if I could, but you're not real. Used to be I'd tell people, "My mom got me into acting when I was 9." And that's mostly true, because if she hadn't dragged me to a community theater audition of "The Music Man," I probably would have spent my high school years as just another faceless "band geek," as opposed to blurry-faced "band and drama geek."
But truth be told, Music Man wasn't the absolute start for me. See, I'd been interested in acting as far back as preschool. My very first "performance" was when I was cast as a leapfrog in my preschool Christmas Program, along with my best friend Eric. I was pretty stoked to be working with some very talented people, on a project that I really believed in. Also, I was glad that I'd stopped peeing my pants two years earlier, making the whole endeavor possible...
But unfortunately I never got to perform as the leapfrog. During one of the rehearsals, I "leaped" a little too enthusiastically and severely strained a ligament in my neck. I had to miss the Program, and I was couch-ridden for a week. That was the first and last time I ever suffered a serious "actor-related injury" (no small feat, since I've seen broken bones, torn ligaments, a seizure, concussions, and countless cuts and bruises since that time).
But everyone does those goofy Christmas Pageant shows...it's not like I had a choice in the matter. I didn't have any dark, sticky artistic blood pulsing through my veins...it was just the regular, boring red kind. Heck, I was far more interested in sports than any of that "creative" junk.
My first brush with actual, honest-to-God "acting" was complements of Mrs. Trull (yes...she was mean, and yes, we did call her Mrs. Troll, and yes, she's probably dead now) who was my 1st grade Music Teacher. The school was doing a production of "Hansel and Gretel" at an assembly, and two kids from each class were picked to portray the titular roles (hee hee). The rest of the class performed "dances" during the scene changes. It was some pretty heady, artistic stuff. I was cast as one of the Hansels, along with 11 other dudes from the other classes. I don't remember the audition, but it probably involved "reading the script." Obviously, I nailed it.
Anyway, since the roles were duodecuple-cast (yes, it's a word), each Hansel and Gretel was given a short scene to memorize and perform. During the actual performance, when the current H&G finished their scene, a new "Hansel and Gretel" would walk on stage, tap the current iterations of themselves on the shoulder, then take their place on stage. I have video of this. I could tell, even back then, that it was pretty hokey. "Why not come up with a reason for each actor to walk off stage?" I asked myself silently. No one heard my protests...because I didn't vocalize them. But I do remember having a problem with the direction of the piece, which I consider awfully advanced for my undersized 7 year old brain.
Hansel and Gretel also involved my first on-stage romantic interest: Elizabeth Chittick. I didn't like her, but I think she liked me (ah...the story of my life). She was notable for living up the street from me, owning a Teddy Ruxpin doll, and for the one time I kicked her fingers through a chain-link fence...which got me sent to the Principal's office. I tell you...I'm good with the ladies. Always have been, always will be.
Elizabeth and I...can't you just taste the chemistry?
But I think my most important "pre-Music Man" introduction to acting was thanks to one Sue Jackson, 2nd grade teacher. Sue Jackson was a recent divorcee, in her early 40s, with two grown children. She was a first-year teacher at the school, and I remember that we did not get along very well at first...mostly because I was a bit of an impudent know-it-all (some things never change).
Ms. Jackson was the first teacher I had who focused heavily on "the arts." We'd write stories in her class. We'd put on plays (that we performed for the 3rd graders in the next room over). We'd paint. We'd write poetry. All of that ninny froo-froo stuff that, for some reason, I was actually pretty good at.
It was in this class that I found my love for acting and writing. Funny...but sometimes you get a teacher early-on that sparks an interest in something you do for the rest of your life...and Sue Jackson really got me interested in acting. But sometimes you get a teacher who tries to enlist your services as a hit man. Or tries to sleep with you. Luck of the draw, I guess.
But Ms. Jackson put us in charge of rehearsing and producing the shows (with props, costumes, sets, etc.). We did several productions, including a short play about The Easter Bunny (I portrayed the Easter Bunny)...and another play about a family at Christmas (I played "Grandpa"). And a play about a princess who was upset about a broken heart (the twist at the end: the "broken heart" was actually a heart-shaped cake that had broken in two...not a metaphorical "broken heart". Who writes this stuff!!!!???!?!?).
It was in that last show that I had my first brush with acting like a "super-diva." I had three roles in the show: The Duke, The Messenger, and The Cook. The first two were fairly big parts, but the last one was a walk-on at the very end, with no lines (where the cook silently brings the "broken" cake out for the big punchline).
A week before we were going to perform the show, Ms. Jackson informed me that she wanted one of the other students (Erin, a shy girl that I had a major crush on) to play the cook. And I....was....devastated. Furious. I cried like an 8 year old. I threw a fit. It was unfair. How DARE she give my role away! Gaaaah!!! (once again, affirming my status as "God's gift to the ladies")
But I got over it, after Ms. Jackson and my mom talked some sense into me. So I gave up the role, and felt some well-deserved diva-shame.
Apparently Ms. Jackson still teaches at Arrowhead. Huh. Guess I didn't scare her away after all...
After my time in Ms. Jackson's class was finished, my lovely mother started me on the "community theater" circuit. In the 3rd grade I was cast as Winthrop Paroo in The Music Man at Shoreline Community Theatre. In the 4th grade I was cast as Tiny Tim in A Christmas Carol at The Driftwood Players. In the 5th grade I was cast as The Page in Amahl and the Night Visitors at King'sPlayers Theater. And in the 6th grade I didn't do any acting...because I was "artistically exhausted." That, and I wanted more time to play video games, because I'd just got a Nintendo...and playing it was a fairly high priority at the time.
My heart-felt rendition of "Wells Fargo Wagon," years before
they invented the bank.
But in the summer between 6th and 7th grade my mother signed me up for a class run by a theatre in Issaquah called "Village Theatre." The class was taught by a woman named Megan Hunt, who was the daughter of the executive producer of the theater, Robb Hunt. It was that class that transformed my love of acting from something of an "idle curiosity to pass the time" to a "possible future career." And I'll tell you all about it...in my next blog post. Consider yourself "teased."
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