Ugh. Okay. Sorry. Enough with the bitterness and negativity. We're here to have fun and build up your confidence, right?
Right?
Anyhow, I was totally kidding anyway. You're definitely going to make it here...because you have spunk. Talent. You've got star power, kid, and you will "make it" where others have failed.
It's your destiny.
But first things first -- once you've unpacked, set up your internet/cable, and thrown your own "Welcome Me to Los Angeles" BBQ/Housewarming, just take a week to do some LA stuff.
If you're on a budget (aren't we all), you should spend that first week doing some free/cheap stuff. Don't worry -- there's no rush. The "industry" isn't going anywhere.
Then post the link here, so I can watch it. I promise I'll watch in a dimly lit room, late at night, with a few days' worth of stubble, wearing sweatpants, and eating a Snickers bar.
What fun!
Once you've got that out of your system, and you're now in love with Los Angeles (no one wants to hear you complain about Los Angeles, so please don't do that)...you can get down to the nitty-gritty of "breaking into the acting business."
But where to start?
Well...I'll tell you. Step one is the subject of my next blog entry: Marketing Materials.
Until then, here's another great web video I wrote, produced, and directed!!!
I'm going to try to not talk about parenthood too much here. I mean...I think it's inevitable that I'll talk about it, because it's kinda' the "big thing" going on in my life right now. Plus, whenever I say "I'm not going to be that guy," I typically renege on my promise almost immediately (for instance, I said I wouldn't change my Facebook profile picture to my child's face...and I would up breaking that oath about 10 hours after my child was born).
But, while I have the time, I just wanted to say a few words about being a dad. Or, at least, being a new dad...because I have no idea what it's like to be a long-term dad (obviously).
Strange. My kid might read this some day. Henry, if you're reading this: Hi! I'm going to say stuff about you! How exciting!
Here goes.
Well, first off, I'm going to talk about what hasn't changed, for me.
I thought, in my weird brain, that there was going to be some kind of shift. Like, all the sudden my priorities would change, and I would start sacrificing everything for my child. His desires would fill every waking moment, and seeing him happy would be the only thing that would make me (in turn) happy.
That didn't happen. I mean, for example, video games. I thought I'd swear off video games forever, and spend all of my time doting over my child's delicious, growing brain. But, in reality, I'm pretty sure I played a few video games while we were still at the hospital, as he was sleeping in his little hospital bassinet a few feet away. And my video gaming has continued unabated since that time. I just can't get away from it, apparently, which must mean I'm not sacrificing too much time...
I also am not sacrificing my own happiness to make my kid happy...and I don't think I will do that, or could do that. I feel like that's not fair to him -- for me to put all of that pressure on him to live the successful, happy life that his dad gave up when he was born. Happy parents make happy babies. That's my theory, at least.
This is not to say that I won't sacrifice. I mean...that's kinda' inevitable, right? For instance, it'll probably be a couple of years before we're able to get back to Europe. And dates with my wife (one my favorite things) will have to be at "infant-friendly" locations for at least a couple of years. Pretty much, any time I want to do something, I can't just plan it, then do it. I'll have to consider, "Well, what about Henry?"
But that fundamental shift in thought from "me" to "only him" hasn't happened. Henry's happiness does not consume my every waking moment...like I thought it would. I mean, that might happen at some point...but I don't know. I don't think it will.
Who knows?
Anyway, so what what has changed?
Quite a bit, of course. The biggest thing is, I've never really needed to be so mindful of something so helpless before. And he is -- he's so helpless. All he can do is fuss and cry. He can't feed himself, he can't entertain himself, he can't even talk. It's mentally exhausting caring for him sometimes, and I really look forward to those moments when he falls asleep...just so I can relax.
I mean...I feel ashamed admitting that...because in my head I'm supposed to love every second he's awake, so I can play with him and grow that lovely little brain of his. But that "asleep time" is so very, very nice. Whenever he's awake, I'm stressing about how to take care of him...but when he's asleep, I just look at him and think, "Goddamn...what an awesome kid."
Of course, I mean, I love him when he's awake. For instance, last Saturday I spent a good 30 minutes, just hovering above him saying "buh buh buh buh buh buh buh" and "muh muh muh muh muh muh muh" over and over. His smile just absolutely melts my cruddy little heart, and any time he tries to speak, or any time he makes a noise that isn't crying or straining, it's just fantastic.
It's hard work, though. And, inevitably, after he's had spent 30 minutes of gibberish-talking to daddy he'll want to do something else...and if he's not entertained he starts fussing. And if he's not scheduled to eat for another 2 hours, I have to find some way to entertain him until I can bring the bottle out (or hand him off to mommy). So I try walking around with him...or laying him on his play mat...or putting him in his swinging chair...or his bouncy chair...or singing to him...
Oftentimes these things will work for about 10 minutes before it's "fussy-time" again.
So when I say that I love him the most when he's sleeping...I'm not saying that I wish he'd sleep through this first year and he'd then wake up at the end totally ready to walk, talk, and laugh (although...now that you mention it...).
Because I love lots things about him now. Awake things. I love how he's grown from this squalling little pooping and peeing flesh sack, to a little clumsy person I can interact with. I love when he falls asleep on my chest after his late-night feeding. I love how he wobbles when I stand him on his feet. I love all the strange cooing noises he's started making. I love his little goofy, dimpled smiles. I love his fat little knees, his soft feet, and his big ol' double chin. I love the smell of his hair. I love how he holds onto my fingers when I put them in his hands. I love how amazed he is at everything. I love how, when he's startled, he splays his arms out to the side. I love his little sighs and grunts. I love taking him up in my arms. I love watching his eyelids droop right before he falls asleep. I love how his head bobs gently when I hold him in the "seated" position. I love his enormous blue eyes.
I don't love how mushy that last paragraph was. Blech. Sorry Henry...hopefully you skipped forward to the next paragraph once you saw what I was doing there.
So yeah...that's parenthood for me. I do kind of wish that he were already about 3 years old or so...because it seems like this first part is just taking forever. But I'll probably look back one day and realize (like every parent does, apparently) that they just "grow up to fast."
I just hope I'm doing it right. I mean, I'm not fishing for encouragement or anything...because I sure think I'm doing it right. I just hope I'm not wrong.
I'm not actually a monkey. Okay, I lied I am a monkey. No, just kidding. I'm not a monkey. Monkeys don't have the mental capacity to write a blog. Or do they...?
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