"As with babies, make sure that you have a set sleep schedule throughout the day, a consistent bedtime routine, and that your soon-to-be toddler can soothe herself to sleep."
Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you. Our baby has a completely set sleep schedule, and he's still waking up three or four times a night. Fuck you. And he's a boy, not a girl, asshole.
"To teach your baby how to fall asleep on her own, put her down in her crib while she's still awake and periodically check on her. Within a few nights, she will be falling asleep quickly and easily at bedtime."
Fuck you. That's not true. He starts crying if we put him to bed while he's still awake. If he goes down when he's asleep, he'll wake up and he'll start screaming like someone is flaying his skin off of his bones. How is that teaching him anything other than "the louder I scream, the quicker someone comes to my room?" Do we just let him scream? How is that healthy? Fuck you.
"You'll also have to decide what to do if he wakes up at night, can't soothe himself back to sleep, and ends up crying for you. It's fine to go in and check on or comfort him. But if he wants you to stay and play with him, gently remind him that nighttime is for sleep."
Gently remind him? Yes, I explained the entire thing to him in a soothing voice. He didn't fucking understand it, because he can't fucking understand words. Plus, he was crying really loud, so he couldn't fucking hear me. Fuck you.
"Remain consistent in what you do for several weeks. This will help your baby return to sleeping through the night once the temporary issue is resolved."
Great advice. Fuck you. We have been consistent, and it hasn't worked. You are all assholes. Fuck.
Look, I get it. We screwed up somewhere, and now all of our lazy nighttime habits have ruined our child's sleeping ability forever. But we did everything you said and he's still broken.
Goddammit...being a parent is hard. Ugh.
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I spent the whole time reading this, chortling like a hyena. Your experience is hardly unique, the only one I remember as being a good sleeping baby was Tim, and he broke at six months. He's not broke, this is all normal, and, as my mother used to say, often, "And this too shall pass". Nice Lewis Black impersonation. It's probably why in the 19th century the use of opium medication was common. Have you tried leaving a TV on?
ReplyDeleteHey, I know this is an old blog post, but I never saw it before. I have to stress, Henry DOES understand words! Just because he can't speak much yet doesn't mean he doesn't grasp a shocking amount of what is said to him. I know, for an absolute fact, that babies only a few months old understand a rather large amount of vocabulary. So please always speak to him as if he were a reasonable person, capable of understanding what you are saying. He gets it more than you can imagine. And soon, he will start shocking you as he really starts to demonstrate his level of comprehension! :-)
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