For Your Health! (part 8)

So.

The nuclear stress test came back clean.

Aside from one ER doctor's dubious interpretation of an EKG (which was summarily ignored by my "team" of cardiologists), my heart has passed every single test it was given.

This leads me to the inexorable conclusion: there is nothing wrong with my heart.

So.

What now?

Well, now I'm pretty sure I have some kind of panic disorder.

"But Tyler! You've never been an anxious person! In fact, you're the most laid-back, chill, easy-going, sexy person I've ever known!"

Yes, that's true. But, from what I've read, that don't mean shit. Panic attacks don't happen because a person is nervous, or because "sumthin' bad happend." To quote this document I'm reading in another window, "Researchers are not sure what causes panic attacks."

"So, that's great! Sounds like you need a vacation! LOL! Maybe just do some deep breathing next time or something, pussy! LOLOL!!!"

I've tried that...both the "vacation" and the "relaxation." Neither worked. I'm having an intense physiological reaction to...something. And it's fairly non-specific...which is why I think it has complicated and delayed an actual "medical diagnosis."

I don't know why it happened. I don't know how it happened. But I'm sure that something has happened, and that it's not getting better.

Luckily for me, these "mind" problems can be treated. There's an entire industry that has sprung up in recent years (called the "pharmaceutical" industry, apparently) that is solely dedicated to fixing brain problems. That sounds like that's my next stop. And if that don't fix it...then it's back to the drawing board, I suppose.

But...do you know the shitty thing? This whole thing is embarrassing. Like...super-duper embarrassing. Not "shut up and stop blogging about it" embarrassing...but it's close.

I've been ping-ponging around to hospitals and doctors' offices, getting my blood drawn, racking up hundreds of dollars in copay bills, totally convinced that I'm dying. I've been detailing my health issues to all of my friends and family...worrying people who are too far away to help. I've been moping around the house, scared to be "active" because I might have another attack. I've convinced myself, and everyone around me, that I've got some kind of serious medical issue...and that the goddamn doctors just aren't seeing it.

(and for the record, I might still have an issue...it's probably just not heart-related)

But the reality just might be that I'm having some kind of mental health issue -- something is just misfiring somewhere in that beautiful brain of mine. Countless hours have been spent analyzing bodily fluids, measuring organs, and monitoring my electrical pulses of what appears to be a perfectly healthy (if a little overweight) 32 year old dude. If there's nothing "physically" wrong with me, there must be something "mentally" wrong with me.

Anyhow, that's the next step. And since I'm 8 parts into this goddamn saga, I'll continue to update you all on my mental health trials and tribulations. You'll read every goddamn minute of it, and love it all...damn you.