For Your Health (Part 9)

I've decided to write another entry to this compelling, interesting, and totally-worth-reading series that will no doubt become a viral sensation, viewed by hundreds of millions of people worldwide. 

Why? Because today, I experienced another "episode."

I'd been feeling shitty all morning...just achy, and "not quite right." I couldn't get comfortable. I couldn't really focus, and I was very conscious of my "breathing," which is always a bad sign.

All of a sudden (all of the sudden?) my body went numb. I experienced shortness of breath. My hands went "clammy," and I stood up from my chair, fully ready to face my imminent demise like a man. A man standing up in a cubicle.

As I stood up, I grabbed my bottle of Xanax and popped two pills (I'm only supposed to take one at a time, so please don't tell my doctor I took two -- he'd be SOOO PISSED). Then I went for a short walk around the building to calm my nerves.

I was still feeling crappy, but not "scary-gonna'-die-soon" crappy. I got back into the office, feeling a bit unsettled...maybe on the cusp of a relapse, but not quite going all the way there.

I thought lying down might help, but I haven't found any good "layin' spots" in this office building yet, and I can't go to my car to lay down (because it's a scooter, not a car).

After about 10 minutes of examining my options, everything chilled out. My heart stopped racing, my brain settled down, and a nice calm washed over my body.

This reaction pretty much confirms what I'd figured / hoped all along -- this shit is all in my head. I'm an anxious mess, for some reason...and all I needed was a little pharmacology to get me back on track.

Of course, I'm still exhausting every medical option -- I'm seeing a lovely Ear/Nose/Throat doctor at the moment, who is helping me address my "slowly fading voice," but when he examined me he did not see any nodules on my vocal cords (after gagging me with a goddamn mirror a couple of times), which is good. In my mind, nodules mean cancer...and if he didn't see 'em, they must not be there.

I'm also getting my wisdom teeth pulled in two weeks...so maybe that will help sort out whatever residual shittiness that's causing my head space.

Basically, I'm encouraged by all of this doctor-ing. I'm no longer convinced that I'm in the throes of some early stage cancer, or that I've been struck by some rare and fatal malady. Turn out I'm just an anxious guy with some teeth issues and weak vocal cords who probably just needs to start working out more, and eating better.

I can live with that.