First things first, sleep in until about 11:00. I know it's a tough life I'm living, and every ounce of my body wants to leap out of bed and face the day. But no...not today friends...not today. I forced myself to stay put until the dreaded "sleep-in guilt" had taken a strong enough hold. Then, with all the power of a "27 year old man getting out of bed," I got up.
Next step on this day-of-days: romancing. Luckily, I have a special woman in my life. Not only did I go through the tremendous, arduous effort of leaving her a comment with a glittery rose bleeding into a wine glass or something...I also gave what is just about the sweetest picture comment a woman could ever ask for.
But that's not all I done for my woman. People always say "the way to a woman's heart is through her stomach." This always confused me, because I'd always thought it would be quicker to go through the rib cage -- but I guess that's why I failed medical school (that, along with "never applying").
So to get straight to my woman's heart (by way of stomach), I set out to make her a super-romantic dinner. Now, I've been watching a lot of "Top Chef" these last few weeks, and I realized (from watching) just how important "presentation" was to a meal. So, my first step was to prepare an appetizer, or as they call it in the professional chef business, an "amused bush." So I whipped up a little something I like to call "Lightly Spiced Toasted Corn Tortillas with Stewed Tomato and Jalepeno Pico De Gallo."
Damn that looks good
Next stop: the main course. Or, as they call it in the business, "The Main Course." I thought to myself: what does Erika like? When that stumped me, I continued to think to myself, "Hell, what does everyone like?" The answer to that: PIZZA! But wait...Top Chef has prepared me to not just cook up a pizza, slice it, and put it on a plate. Today is a special day, dammit...a day of romance...a day of celebration. And what's more romantic and celebratory than a pizza shaped like a heart? I'll tell you: not a damn thing. So I cooked up a delicious Totino's Pizza (and for those of you loving on a budget, they're 10 for $10 at Safeway this week!!!), and lovingly cut it into the shape that just screams "I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER!!!" I garnished it with a banana (which looks just like a beautiful crescent moon, one of Erika's favorite things) and a Coke (which looks like a beautiful full moon, one of Erika's favorite things).
How did I do that!!!?
Last step (and arguably the most important), is desert. Now, I don't have the time (or intelligence) to make something from scratch, so I've got to think on my feet. What do we have that would make a good desert? Then it hits me (or actually I "hit" it when I was scrambling around the kitchen, blinded by tears of fears) -- Erika just bought a dutch apple pie a couple of days ago. It should still be good, right? But you know me, I've been learning how to be all romantic from TV...so I garnished it with something I know Erika loves...for a fact:
Goldfish are for Lovers
But that's not all. You know and I know that Erika loves having the house clean when she comes home from work. That's why I like to "pitch in" to keep the house "sparkling" (almost as sparkling as that beautiful dying rose I put on Erika's MySpace page). Now the one thing that we both hate doing is the dishes. So, I spent a good twenty minutes cleaning all of those dirty dishes that had been piling up in our sink:
Before & After
Now, I could've put them away...but let's be real here -- I have no idea where anything goes. Hell, I haven't opened our cabinets since we moved in. Actually, if you asked me, straight up, "What is a cabinet?" I couldn't tell you in a million years. No joke.
Next chore: make the bed. Now, this one has always been tricky for me, because I've never really been able to wrap my enormous head around the whole "Why make the bed if it's only going to get un-made when you sleep in it?" question. But today I decided to make an exception...and just make the darn thing. Now, Erika's always tried to show me the "correct way" to do this thing (something about a "comforter" "sheet" and "blanket" or something). I just sorta' improvised a bit, but I think I did a pretty fine job:
Before & After
As for the "last part" of the evening...well...that's my specialty really, but unfortunately I can't go into any details here (because eww...gross...). However, I will give you a bit of a sneak peek into just what the young lady has in store for her. I'ma put on her favorite outfit (and I must say that I look positively ravishing in it), lay across the freshly made bed...and beckon. That's all it's going to take: one little beckon. Anyhow, any ladies out there reading this...just imagine the special man in your life looking as good as I do here, and try...just try to resist...I dare you...
Irresistable
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