Things I Could Do Without

I listen a lot. In fact, one could argue that I "listen" far more than I actually "talk." I also "pee blood" far more often than I "watch the Oxygen network."

Now, having said that, from all this listening (and not watching hit shows like "Grace Under Fire," I've found myself hating different phrases...three in particular have drawn my ire:

-- "Now that's what I call a..." (i.e. "Now that's what I call a good answer," "Now that's what I call a guitar solo," "Now That's What I Call Music!") First off, I have a few minor issues with the grammatical structure of this cliché, but even aside from that...it's just a little too goofy. I mean, regardless of whether a guitar solo is good or not, doesn't everyone agree that it's a "guitar solo?" What makes you so special that you have also declared it a "guitar solo?" Never made any dang sense to me...and I have a college degree...and an I.Q. in the high 30s...and shin splints...what was I talking about again...?

-- "Who says..." (i.e. "Who says science can't be fun?" "Who says safe computing must remain a pipe dream?" "Who says student activism is dead?") I must say, this one irks me the most. I mean, I love me a good rhetorical question to make a point, such as: "Have you ever pondered the rainbow?" or something equally profound/retarded. But please, please, never use this goddamn phrase. What bothers me is that people assume that everyone is saying the same thing, yet that's not true. I've never said science can't be fun, so I'm curious…who does say that? And why? Who would even care if someone said that (other than the author of the "who says" sentence) And really…someone said that student activism is dead? Really? Have they been on a college campus recently? Again, the person who uses this phrase is thinking a little too highly of their own vaunted opinion.

-- "What part of ____ don't you understand?" (i.e. "What part of 'illegal' don't you understand?" "What part of 'no' don't you understand?" "What part of 'Thou shalt not kill' don't you understand?") Oh boy, do I hate this one…mostly because it's the favorite tool of political reactionaries (the first and last are popular slogans of the anti-immigration and the pro-life crowd, respectively…the second is anti-rape, which is hard to mock…but is no less annoyingly self-satisfied). Again, this person is heavily vaunting their own opinion, to the point where they're questioning the vocabulary of their intended (and you know me...how I love me some vocabulary). Truly awful.

Sorry, not much for funny this week. In recompense, check this out: Super Man Is A Dick.