The Results are in!!!

And guess what!? I'm still fucking bald!

Sorry. I don't like to bust out the "f" word much -- it's like using the "good" China (as opposed to the "communist" one). The way I see it, there's a time to eat off of the cheap ceramic plates (1,261/1,262nds of the time really...my fraction-friends), and then there is a time to risk thousands of dollars (and the love of your fiancee), break out the 'spensive dishes, and drop that KFC barbecue wing right onto the finest, expensivist, floweryist plate you can find. That's my relationship to the "f" word. Good in moderation, but too fucking much fuck, then you start to distract from the issue...

That issue, of course, being the slow, inevitable retreat of my goddamn hairline (now there's a word I can buddy up with)...coupled with a ever-growing patch of skin peeking its way through the back part of my dome. Those of you who knew me four months ago might remember this little gem, where I bared my soul (as well as a surprising high percentage of my pate) and told the world that I was a balding 27 year old American...and that I chose to fight back by filling up my hair with goopy hair tonic "twice daily."

Well, I thought I'd keep it up for two months, and see how much would of my old hair would return to me. Now, here's the before picture...when I was at, what I like to call, my "most baldest" back in January:



This was my projected hair...at the time...




Finally...the real deal. Four dang months of what I like to call "somewhat inconsistant" application...aaaaaaaand...



Bah! Crap-balls. Let me center that better...



Well...I don't know if "fuller" and "more luscious" would be a good word to describe it. Maybe "greasier." Well...let me try to fluff it out a little bit...give it the old "finger-tip-volume" run-through that I'm famous for:



Well, that's a little better. One might say it's "downright passable," though it does appear that I'm still having same ol' "receding hairline" issues (my generic minoxidil does nothing for that, supposedly). Well...maybe if I try to add even more volume to this bad boy, things would resolve themselves...


Ahh...perfection.


And no, those of you looking to make a snarky little comment about my computer screen: "No, I was not looking at porn." Unless by "porn" you mean "a pornographic web site," in which case I am guilty as charged. Ah...porn...the greatest thing to happen to me since apple juice.

However, on the plus side of this whole "bald dude" thing, due to some "persistent" suggestions by my pretty lady fiancee person, I've managed to lose a little bit of weight (which I may detail later...when I'm in a better mood...and not completely high on opiates...).

Though, admittedly, I'm not nearly the adonis I dreamed of when I first ordered my two-pack of hair growth formula. Ah, well...the eternal quest for exterior beauty surges onward.