Suck It, Travelocity: Part 2

(continued from PART 1)

Most of you who know me, know one thing -- I'm not good at talking. I'm a mumbling, self-conscious, confusing, painfully shy human being whenever I'm engaged in conversation. I share a cubicle wall with a woman who I've said, maybe, four words to since I started working here six months ago (those words were, most likely, "Oh," "Excuse me," and "Thanks"). I don't talk good, and those of you who disagree with that statement (my wife) are totally wrong.

However.

When I write, suddenly I'm Oscar "Frigging" Wilde (minus all of the "charm," "creativity" and "good writing ability"). I start using words so big that I have no idea how to spell them (thank Jehovah for those squiggly red lines underneath misspelled words). I start spinning complex analogies, referencing obscure historical figures, and demonstrating an easy knowledge of theories that have taken people years to comprehend.

I'll tell you a secret -- I'm not really smart. I just look all of this stuff up on Wikipedia as I'm typing, so it sounds like I'm speaking "off the cuff." In reality, each of these blog entries that takes, perhaps, 5 minutes to read takes me hours, sometimes days to write.


What's this got to do with Travelocity?


Well...I'll tell you.


The easy way to fix this would have been to actually "call" Travelocity. I want to say that I didn't do that because: "I didn't want to talk to another Indian dude, who couldn't possibly help me (or really understand my issue)." But, I think it was actually more because I'm afraid of hurting peoples' feelings. If I'm actually talking to someone, I feel like I want to apologize for being mean...on those rare occasions where I actually have to be mean.

So I did what any good coward would do when faced with this problem. I sent an e-mail. Most of it was grievances I already covered in Part 1...so I'll spare you the repetition and just skip to last paragraph:


[boring part edited out]

So, my question to you is this: why on earth would I ever use Travelocity again? Or recommend Travelocity to anyone I know? I mean, does this seem like a legitimate fee that I've been charged? At all? I seriously doubt that JetBlue "won't allow" Travelocity to use the lower fares to pay the "change" fee (as I was able to calculate the charges on JetBlue.com, and saw that the fare saving paid for the change fee). My guess is that the whole sum is just pocketed by Travelocity, which strikes me as horribly dishonest. No doubt these ridiculous, nonsensical fees are covered under the vagaries of the "General Policies" section of the confirmation e-mail, but in the interest of running a fair business, I would ask that you refund the $260.00 fee I was forced to pay to Travelocity for the change.


Not bad, eh? I used the word "vagaries," but I'm still not totally sure I used it right. Either way...here was the response I got back from Travelocity:


We understand your concern that you would like to make changes to your reservation to without any charges. [ed: a comma would have helped there, methinks...also got a little "to" happy] We know that fees and penalty restrictions are unpleasant, but we need to uphold them.

Please note that these policies are laid by the airlines and we as a travel agency need to follow them. The maximum amount of the reissue fee plus any difference in the fare is charged by the airline. Travelocity only charges $ 30.00 as an exchange fee.

Again I do apologize for the frustration this has caused and hope that you will understand our situation.


Sincerely,

Ryan T
Travelocity Customer Care


Gauging from the response...I don't think Ryan T actually read my e-mail. He saw that I had a "complaint about change fees," looked up Travelocity's JetBlue change policy interpretation, and sent a template response meant to pacify the "stupidly outraged" and "easily pacified."

Of course, nowhere did I request a "change to my reservation to without any charges." And, the policies that are being enforced by Travelocity are not "laid by the airlines" (hee hee...laid...). Ryan was using all the right words, but they had nothing to do with my e-mail.

My guess? Ryan looks a lot like this dude:



So, I wrote back:


On the contrary, the inability to use the difference between the fares on 4/7 and 5/11 ($103.00) to pay the change fee is not "laid by the airline." JetBlue policy explicitly allows customers to use a difference in fare to pay the fee for changing dates. I highly doubt that JetBlue holds your travel agency to a different standard than it does its customers, which leads me to the conclusion that this fee policy is Travelocity's, not JetBlue's.

In fact, I will quote JetBlue's policy on this: "For JetBlue Nonrefundable Fares, changes or cancellations may be made prior to scheduled departure for a fee of $100 per person plus any applicable difference in airfare. Any remaining balance will be placed in a JetBlue air-only credit and may be applied toward future travel for one year from date of issuance."

There is nothing in the JetBlue policy about a "negative difference" being forfeited. Quite the opposite; there is a specific stipulation addressing that eventuality, where the difference is paid out via "air-only credit." The Travelocity customer service representative I spoke with said that they are "not allowed" to use the difference to pay the change fee, but that is demonstrably false. Forfeiting the difference is not covered anywhere in the Travelocity "General Guidelines" which claim to be only applying airline policy to the fees it charges.

Which is to say that your response is insufficient. Travelocity is not following airline policy, unless there's a different set of rules for travel agencies than there are for customers (there aren't). But the more important question is: how is Travelocity acting in good faith? I am not calling the $30 per-person into question, as that is covered by policy. I'm calling the $206 I was erroneously charged by Travelocity into question, since they applied the JetBlue fight date change guidelines incorrectly. I would again ask to be refunded the erroneous fee that was charged.


Please note my use of the words "erroneous" and "demonstrably," which I probably used incorrectly. Oh well. As I say, I'm not a word-smith...I'm more of a "word-parrot;" I have no idea what the frick I'm saying. Also, I was originally calling the $30 fee into question...but that was more of a "start high" negotiating tactic than anything else.

But, either way, it was "pearls before swine" again (even if they were cheap, $0.99 imitation pearls), because here was the response I got:


We understand your disappointment with the advised reissue charges.

As advised to you in our previous email, please note that he reissue fees as advised to you are as per the airlines policies and we are unable to change the same. [ed: I've read that sentence, maybe, a dozen times...I still have no idea what he was trying to say] The tickets are issued by the airlines and the change fees are applicable as per the fare rules of your tickets. The airlines change fees of $100.00 and the fare difference is charged by the airlines and we only charge you $30.00 service fees.

We once again apologize for your disappointment and appreciate your understanding.


Sincerely,

Steven T
Travelocity Customer Care


Awesome. My guess: Steven is a total moron. But that's just a guess -- I wouldn't want to libel anyone (yes, I just looked up "libel" to make sure I could use it as a verb -- I can, damn you). I mean...was he really just apologizing for my disappointment? Really? What does that even mean? Shouldn't they be apologizing for "disappointing me?" That's like hitting someone with your car, and apologizing for their broken leg...not for hitting them with your damn car. It's also how dumb people sound when they're trying to sound smart.

My guess? Steven looks something like this:


Needless to say, Steven "Da' Moron" T. really got my goat. So, I wrote one final missive...and if I got another stupid non-response, I was going to actually pick up a phone and call someone. Yep...they'd angered me out of my anti-social terror.

With my newest letter, I thought I'd try a different tack -- because dumb people seem to understand analogies best, I lead off with that:


Let me see if I can use an analogy in order to help you understand what I'm saying...because I don't believe that you have demonstrated any understanding of the basis of my complaint. So, here is my analogy:

I hire a plumber to install my kitchen sink. He does so, and charges me $400. Once the sink is installed, I decide that I don't like the color of the faucet, and ask the plumber to exchange the "bronze" for the "chrome." He does so, but informs me he will charge me $30 for re-installation, plus whatever the hardware store charges for exchanges. He shows up the next day and installs the new chrome faucet, telling me that the hardware store charged him $100 for the exchange...which I must now pay to him. This confuses me, so the next day I go to that same hardware store and ask an employee how much they charge for exchanges. The employee at the hardware store tells me that they would not charge in my case, since I exchanged the expensive bronze faucet for the much less expensive chrome faucet. This means that the plumber...


A) Told the truth, and the hardware store only charges plumbers for exchanges.

B) Committed fraud, and pocketed the $100.00 that he charged me.


Does that make sense? I went to the hardware store (JetBlue) and asked them about their exchange policy (date change policy). I was told that they wouldn't charge me. Is Travelocity committing fraud? Or does JetBlue hold travel agencies to a different standard?

Because, regarding JetBlue policy, I want to be absolutely clear here: if the fare for the new date of departure is more than $100 cheaper than the fare for the date of the original departure, there is no charge from JetBlue to change a flight date. I've now been told by two different Travelocity employees that this $100 charge is "per airlines policy," but that is simply not true. And having one, two, three, or thirty Travelocity employees tell me the same thing will not make it any more true.

So forgive me while I repeat myself, but I feel I must do so until you acknowledge this fact: if the fare on the new date is more than $100 cheaper than the cost of the fare on the original booking date, JetBlue does not charge its customers to change the date of a flight.

Here is why this is a big deal. Customers go to travel agent sites to receive better pricing, and deals on travel packages. But, in this instance, instead of getting a better deal, I've been punished (to the tune of $266) for using Travelocity. If I had just booked this deal through JetBlue.com, I would have that $260, plus an additional $6 credit that I could use for future travel (if only plane tickets in the future could somehow cost $5.99...dare to dream). Essentially, my choice to book the flight through Travelocity cost me $266.

And please, this has nothing to do with "disappointment," so stop using that word. It's more "confusion," "disbelief," and quite a bit of "frustration." I don't want platitudes. I don't want apologies. And I don't want to have another response from Travelocity wherein you just repeat the falsehood that the "$100 charge came from the airline." It didn't, and it doesn't. I want that $200 charge refunded. And if you continue to refuse my request, I want you to show me exactly where in the JetBlue "date change" policy you are seeing the claim that a customer must forfeit the difference in ticket prices in the event of a date change. Or else admit that this $100 charge is not JetBlue policy, but, rather, a fraudulent attempt by Travelocity to exact a fee, shrugging off responsibility by repeating the falsehood that the charge came from the airline.


I didn't hear back from Travelocity for a couple of days. I figured they were just giving me the ol' brush-off. Like, "Well, we already dealt with this guy. He's obviously crazy. If we ignore him, he'll just go away eventually."

So I wrote to JetBlue, trying to find out if, maybe, I was wrong about my understanding of their change policy. I got a pleasant response the next day.


Thank you for contacting JetBlue Airways regarding your JetBlue Reservation. We appreciate the opportunity to respond.

Yes, there is a $100 change fee per person if you choose to change to a different date. If the fare is lower, example $100 then you would break even.


Regards,


Carolyn
Customer Commitment Crew
JetBlue Airways Crewmember 92321


Nice. I betcha' Carolyn looks something like this:



So I was on the brink of actually "calling" when, to my total surprise, I heard back from Travelocity. This was someone with a couple of brain cells to rub together. Someone who can actually read. A guy who got to is allowed to put the word "Supervisor" in parenthesis by his signature. Maybe it was my analogy. Maybe it was my persistence. Maybe I just got lucky. Either way, here's what I heard back from the lovely little gnome-humpers:


Please note that as your ticket fare Jet Blue does not authorize us to refund the balance credit of $103.00 per passenger. We contacted Jet Blue and refuse to provide any authorization to issue a voucher. Jet Blue do not provide such option to travel agencies.

However, we appreciate your business and hope you will come back to Travelocity. To assist in your future travel plans, we are offering you a Future Trip Discount off the purchase of a TotalTrip package or GoodBuy Hotel stay on Travelocity, within 1 year of date of issue of the Code subject to the Terms and Conditions shown below.


[details edited out, you silly bastards -- this is my code, not yours]


Sincerely,

Spencer T (Supervisor) Travelocity Customer Service


So good wins out over evil, I suppose. Or...at least...good gets about 40% of his wasted money refunded. I guess that's a victory. Still, even though Spencer grudgingly gave up the travel discount voucher, he had to get in a silly "Please note" dig. Seems he was under the impression that the $103.00 was in the form of a "travel voucher," as opposed to a "fee discount."

But...either way...I guess I got some of my money back, compliments of a dude who probably looks like this:


And now it seems that they've forced me to come back, and redeem my silly little "voucher" through their agency. Well...damn it all. Rest assured, I'll never be using any of these frigging websites ever again. And take this as a lesson, all. Stay away. Far away. Don't let the gnome tempt you -- it's all a lie.