A: Sorry. I don't do impressions. (Tyler takes a cream pie to the face. Applause. This guy, and his very long awesome 1970's game show host microphone enters, and introduces the next comedy guest)
Los Angeles has taken some getting used to. Now, this is not to say that I'm totally "vibing" with LA right now. In fact, one of the most infuriating things for me is how to abbreviate the damn city. Is it "LA" or "L.A."? One looks like a note to follow so, the other is just too much damn work (because, like most people who try to type too quickly, every time I type a period, I instictively put a space behind it...so I end up having to backspace every time I type L.A.).
But I am picking up on some of the quirks here. I'm learning, adapting, failing, and crying in the fetal position as much as I possibly can. Here's some of the stuff I have learned, though...
1) Los Angeles drivers are the worst and the best drivers in the country...all at the same time. Sure, it's annoying to have someone sitting three feet off of your bumper going 75 miles per hour with two open lanes to your left...but hey, think about how much skill it takes to drive that closely. Then, for a surreal juxtaposition, when I was driving home today from the grocery store, there was a car sitting in oncoming traffic, diagonally, blocking both oncoming lanes. Just sitting there. Not parking, or anything (well, I'm assuming he was trying to turn or something...but he just ended up stationary in our lane). It looked a little something like this:
I'm actually pretty sure there was even a turn lane...but he was content to just use those two lanes that the oncoming traffic selfishly bogarts. It was unreal. And no one in my lane(s) honked, I guess because you've got to figure that everyone driving in Los Angeles is armed...so my fellow "oncoming traffic friends" just calmly drove around him and proceeded on our way.
2) Drivers in Los Angeles would rather spend 30 minutes circling a parking lot, then leave the lot and park 10 feet away on the street. I actually got to witness this at the DMV. I thought for sure I was cheating...or I was going to get ticketed...or something. But no -- they are creatures of habit. Parking lot = good. Street parking = parking ticket.
3) If you're lucky enough to find a strech of freeway that isn't experiencing gridlock, it's not at all uncommon to have someone pass you on the freeway who is going over 100 miles per hour. In fact, stay out of the fast lane if you're only balsy enough to go 80...because you'll barely be going the speed of traffic.
4) Women in Los Angeles seem to think that the "puffy upper lip" look:
...looks spectacular. As opposed to how it really looks: weird. Ladies, I'm begging you, stop it. Please. Upper lips are supposed to be thin. It's what God intended, and it's what looks correct.
5) Silencing cell phones is frowned upon. It's also just fine to see who's calling if you're, say, teaching a class...or giving a speech...or taking someone's food order.
6) If you want to see people shuffle aimlessly, make your way down to the 99 cent store and feast your eyes upon your fellow shoppers.. Those people are the finest shufflers I've ever laid eyes on.
7) Lots of hispanic people. But it makes sense to me...I mean...this place did belong to Mexico for the greater part of the last millenium. Also, it's named "Los Angeles," which is...if I'm not mistaken...Spanish.
8) When people find out you're new in town, it's actually a pleasant surprise for them, and they're quick to offer advice. That, I was not expecting. I'd thought the "Doe-eyed actor wanna-be" was enough of a cliche at this point that it would be exasperating for those who'd been in town for a while...but I found it's quite the opposite. Those who have been around for a while seem to want to impart wisdom to the newbies...which is awesome.
9) Chicken is the meat of choice in Los Angeles. Which is good, because I do love me some chicken.
10) 75 degrees is beach weather in Seattle. When we went to the beach on a 75 degree day, it was deserted...and freaking freezing. Don't know how that works...
So that's my impression. Quick update: we've found a class that we want to take, from This Dude. We're also getting headshots from This Lady. And I was to buy apples from This Guy. Nothing much else new to report. So I leave you with this neat little blue ball machine:
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