Audience Participation

One of the things you can do here, to get a bit of W.A.M. (Walking Around Money) is you can work as an audience member. Because, see, here's the thing. It's neat to sit in the audience of, say, "The Daily Show," and watch one of your boyhood idols crack wise at the expense of a random politician…people would (and do) line up around the block for something like that. Also, to get into the audience of, say, "The Price Is Right," gives you a chance to get up and get your Plinko on…so much incentive.

However, what to do with a show like "Deal or No Deal," where you get to spend 10 hours in a studio, to watch them film 4 shows back-to-back, where the high concept of the game is to "Pick a briefcase, then watch the sparks FLY!" Maybe some die-hard fans might love this, but…even fans of the show might get weary after a full work-day's worth of "waiting, sitting, listening, clapping, stopping, clapping, clapping, clapping, clapping, clapping, hooting, clapping, stopping, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, sitting, listening, clapping, clapping, clapping, clapping…"

Maybe you get the idea. So, long story short (TOO LKARTE!!!), Erika and I have partaken in some of these paid audience gigs. Now, since we were instructed to "be discreet" about our status of "gettin' paid," I can't tell you which shows I was getting paid for (Deal or No Deal was not one of them, FYI), and which shows I saw just out of the good, curious nature of my heart. Of course, I'm probably being paranoid…but "better safe then sorry," right? There could be some misanthrope, hunkered down in the depths of Studio City, crawling around MySpace, looking for hints that people might be leaking this terrible secret to the poor, unsuspecting television viewing public. But…probably not. Heck, there are actually web pages dedicated to telling you how to get into this lucrative field. So, I'm not too afraid. But…better safe than Sbarro.

Anyhow, Erika and I saw a talk show and a game show (respectively), and I must say…my god, this was harder than I thought it'd be. The minute they start giving you instructions, it is "firmly suggested" that you're not just an audience member, you're a freaking participant of the show. It's like that corny thing where a rock 'n' roll singer asks a large group assembled to watch them play if they are ready to hear some rock 'n' roll. I'll typically shrug and say, "Sure, that's why I came here." Then, if the rock 'n' roll star doesn't deem that response adequate, they'll repeat themselves more aggressively. At this point, I typically let out a "banshee howl," because nothing psyches me up more than repetition.

Now, imagine the discontented rock star asking if you're ready to rock for 8 hours straight…and that's kinda' what audience work is like. You start to understand why people get paid to do this kind of stuff. Don't like the jokes that the show host is telling? Who cares? Laugh, damn you! We need you to help us make this a good show! Is this question not shocking enough? Who cares, damn you? Let me hear you make a shocked noise! We're going to commercial! CLAP LOUDER! YOU'RE RUINING THE SHOW! Aaaand…we're on break. Sit still, don't talk…and here's a tiny bottled water that you can sip on. If you need a bathroom, feel free to use the port-a-potty with 30 people in line. Don't talk. We're coming back from commercial. CLAP, DAMN YOU! LOUDER! Don't look at the camera. Don't talk. LAUGH! LOUDER! Not too loud, damn you! It sounds fake! The show's over! STANDING OVATION! DO IT! LOUDER!

But hell, it beats slinging burgers, right?